What’s the key to happiness for you and your dog? Having a good relationship.
That’s why experts say relationship-based dog training can set you and your pooch up for success and help create a loving, trusting, and respectful connection.
“Relationship-based dog training isn’t just about obedience, it really honors the idea that dogs are living beings with individual personalities,” says Loren Barry, a certified trainer (CPDT-KA) with Taurus Academy in Austin, Texas.
So, what exactly is relationship-based dog training? How do you get started?
What is Relationship-Based Dog Training?
Relationship-based dog training incorporates fear-free and positive-reinforcement training principles revolving around positive communication, empathy, and a roadmap that benefits both ends of the leash. The goal is to set the dog up to be “right” so they can be rewarded for learning what to do, rather what not to do.
“We used to have traditional training where we were the dominant ones, the smart ones, the ones in control,” says Karen Deeds, a certified dog behavior consultant (CDBC–IAABC) and co-owner of Canine Connection.
says. “But what we’re realizing is that dogs are pretty darn smart, and they have feelings too. We’re finding that dogs actually do have a lot of the same emotions that we do.”
This all may sound new-agey, or like an attempt to humanize dogs, and some may worry we’re entering an era of poor dog parenting. But it’s really about mutual respect, clear communication, and learning to read one another.
“It’s showing kindness to your dog, and letting them know there are rules, there are expectations, but you want the dog to feel good, and you want to feel good,” Deeds says. “It’s not saying let’s forego training, but it’s doing it in a way that you are building a positive relationship with your dog.”
Relationship-Based Dog Training: How To Get Started
How do you get relationship-based dog training started?
First, consult a pro. Consider working with a certified positive reinforcement, fear-free trainer. You may think you already know enough, perhaps from other dogs you’ve had, watching videos, or television shows. However, since dog training is constantly evolving and few dog trainers agree on everything (which is something they do agree on), you may learn something new and helpful by getting professional advice.
I have hired many trainers for different dogs over the last two decades and am constantly amazed by the insights they’ve offered.
Next, assess your dog and your relationship with your dog.
It’s like dating. You do things together, you get to know one another, and soon you know their hopes, dreams, and fears.
Does your dog hope you’ll give them a treat? Do they fear the moment a firecracker goes off? Are they an extrovert? Or do they hide when they must meet someone new? What situations make them tense?
Consider other factors about your dog, like breed(s), age, energy level, and medical concerns.
Once you have a good understanding of your dog and their needs, customize your training plan not only to train your dog and improve their behavior, but also to work on your relationship.
“It really does come down to the individual dog and the individual human, that’s ‘the team,’” Barry says. “My role as a trainer is to create training plans that support what their life is going to look like at home.”
Then make training fun so your dog enjoys it. Instead of obeying out of fear, your dog receives rewards, praise, and yummy things to eat when they do well. The result is your dog wants to do as you ask, and they end up thinking you’re pretty darn cool.
It’s similar to your boss coming to you at the end of each day and telling you how wonderful you are for what you’ve done well that day and adorning you with roses and chocolate—you’d start to form a pretty positive relationship, and you’d probably even work harder to do a good job.
Relationship-based dog training also entails looking at training from your pup’s perspective.
“We want to make sure we are teaching dogs so they are comfortable,” Barry says. “We don’t want to put them in positions they are not emotionally equipped for or ask them to do things they don’t enjoy or don’t understand.”
All dog training, including relationship-based dog training, is a lifelong, ongoing process; it’s not: “We’ve done 10 training sessions. My dog has their certificate, they know sit, stay, and down—and we’re done.”
Even highly trained service dogs’ skills can fade if their human doesn’t continue their training and behavioral conditioning.
“It’s like, ‘How can we navigate the world for the next 15 years together?’ Clear expectations and structure for dogs, just like with children, can actually create less anxiety, more comfort, and more confidence,” Deeds says. “There’s predictability, ‘This is when I eat. This is when I go outside. This is when I get to lie with mom on the couch,’ those kinds of things.”
That structure allows your dog to feel comfortable and to feel like that responsibility isn’t on them anymore.
Relationship Building Games and Dog Training
Relationship-based dog training is more cerebral than “Sit, and you’ll get a treat.” It’s about engaging your dog’s mind and encouraging problem-solving, which will likely make them more motivated.
“Anything we can do that is play-based really shows relationship-centered training, because play is just fun,” Barry says. “It’s so connecting, and it just takes you to another space with your dog. Utilizing games helps us bond by doing things together.”
Here are just a few game ideas:
Treat Hide and Seek
This is a game you can play both indoors and outdoors with your dog, and there are all sorts of variations.
“Take cardboard boxes, bowls, paper plates, and put treats in them, even make little piles of their food, and hide them all through your house or in your yard,” Deeds says. “You have to teach them the concept of finding it or show them a couple of places you’ve hidden treats to start.”
A dog learns so much about the world through their sense of smell, and this game helps incorporate nosework.
“When a dog utilizes their nose, it stimulates their brain,” Deeds says. “When we have a dog that sniffs for food, it makes them more thoughtful and confident.”
Chase Me and Follow Me
Chase me and follow me are focus-and-engagement games that require a bit more coordination on the human side.
As you’re walking your dog on a leash, take a few steps and then give your dog a treat or drop one for them to eat.
Then change the game and walk in a new direction while you keep giving treats. Continue doing this in unpredictable movements.
Another variation is to run backward and have your dog chase you while you give them treats and make eye contact. These quick games help hone your dog’s attention to you.
Ping-Pong
Ping-pong is a game that requires two or more players.
Someone says your dog’s name and gives them a cookie.
Then someone else calls your dog’s name or says, “come,” and when they move toward that person, your dog gets another treat.
Meantime, make sure there’s tremendous enthusiasm in the crowd, with people cheering and making happy noises to help create a positive atmosphere.
You keep this going, pinging and ponging between people in the group.
There are many other games out there that both you and your dog can benefit from.
Building Your Bond with Relationship-Based Dog Training
With relationship-based dog training, your goal is to be just like that (clearly imaginary) boss who gives you roses every day. If you’re the leading provider of positive feedback, joy, and excitement for your dog, there’s no doubt you’ll be their best friend.
While there are all sorts of theories and schools of thought in the dog training world, relationship-based dog training seems to be gaining traction because, at the end of the day, don’t we all want a good relationship?
“Training, at its core, should be about building bonds and just having fun with your dog,” Deeds says. “I think focusing on how everyone’s feeling really does that.”
