Imagine living in a world where you are surrounded and controlled by creatures who are 10, 20, even 30 times your size. Now imagine that from time to time, without warning, one of those creatures suddenly reaches down, snatches you off your feet and lifts you up into the air. Now you know how many of our dogs feel – especially our smaller dogs – and why you need to rethink if (and how) you should pick up your dog.

I’ve had a rash of clients recently whose dogs were objecting to being picked up. The dogs’ feelings about being lifted have ranged from avoidance, tense body language, growls, snarls, and snaps, all the way to serious bites and visits to the emergency clinic for the unfortunate humans who chose to ignore the earlier warning signs. (To learn more about early warning signs that dogs may give when they are uncomfortable, see “Dog Growling Is a Good Thing,” WDJ December 2016, and “Learn to Read Your Dog’s Body Signals,” August 2011.)

Suffering the indignity of being unceremoniously grabbed off the ground is primarily an affliction of small dogs, but there are a surprising number of medium-to-large dogs whose humans also feel compelled to lift and carry them. Certainly, there are times when a dog needs to be carried – for example, when she’s injured or can’t otherwise negotiate the terrain on her own for some reason. In anticipation of those times, it’s worth taking the time to learn how to do it properly – and to help your dog be happy about the process. 

Other than in times of necessity due to some calamity, with the exception of those dogs who actually do enjoy being carried, it’s best to minimize the times you sweep your dog off her feet. If you’re not sure how your dog feels about being picked up, ask an experienced force-free professional to help you interpret her body language. Does she truly enjoy it, or is she just tolerating the snatch and lift?

PAIN MAY BE THE ROOT CAUSE

Although we suggest not lifting most dogs unless absolutely necessary, there may be occasions when your dog must be lifted. Those occasions will go a lot smoother if you have invested the time in helping your dog be comfortable about being picked up.

 The most important part of your dog-pick-up technique is to make sure you’re not causing your dog any discomfort – physical or emotional. Let’s look at the physical part first: 

First, never lift a dog by their armpits. This is the best way to give your dog a negative association with being picked up – it hurts! 

If your dog growls or tries to avoid being picked up, she may very well be experiencing pain during the lift. At her next check-up, ask your veterinarian to do a thorough physical examination to determination if a physical problem could be causing her reluctance to be picked up. If she’s hurting from arthritis, a strain, sprain, or any number of other conditions that can cause pain, you are guaranteed to give her a negative association if you try to pick her up. 

While arthritis or a misalignment in the spine are probably the most common causes of pain in dogs who are picked up, even something like an ear infection or imbedded foxtail can cause her to be wary of the close contact required when being lifted. Treat or manage any pain-causing conditions before starting new lifting procedures. And be aware that even a painful event that happened in the past can sour your dog on the idea of being lifted; she may anticipate that the action might hurt her badly again. 

BETTER WAYS TO LIFT YOUR LOVED ONES

The following methods for picking up your dog are less likely to cause pain and will make your dog more comfortable when being lifted:

* The Chest Cradle. To lift a medium or large dog comfortably, you want to cradle her in your arms – with one arm around the front of the chest and the other around her hind legs, below her tail and above her hocks, mid-thigh. Press the dog’s body against your chest and lift, making sure the entire dog is well-supported so she feels safe. Be sure to bend your knees and rise straight up (as much as possible); the more you bend at the waist the less secure your dog will feel. 

A second option is to lift with one arm around the front of the chest and one around the dog’s waist – but this has more potential for causing discomfort, because the dog’s weight is resting on your arm and pressing on her underbelly.

* The Ribcage Lift. You can use the above-described Chest Cradle to pick up your small dog, too. The Ribcage lift is another acceptable alternative. For this one, place one hand under the ribcage just behind your dog’s front legs and cup that hand around the elbow of her front leg on the far side. Put your other arm over the top of and around your dog’s body just in front of the hind legs, with your hand around the entire ribcage. As you lift, hold her close and press your elbow against her hip to support her body securely against yours.

* Lift Alternatives. There are alternatives to lifting your dog. I encourage you to use these as much as possible. 

• You can invite her to jump up on your bed, the sofa, or into your car rather than lifting her in. 

• If your dog can’t jump for some reason (or can’t jump high enough), use a ramp!

• If your small dog prefers not to be lifted, you can invite her to happily go into her crate (or jump in a laundry basket) and carry her that way. 

• Another option for your small dog is to teach her to jump into your lap while you’re sitting – and then stand up while holding her, well-supported against your chest.

• If your dog is athletic, you can teach her to leap into your arms. Sunny, our 30-pound Pomeranian/American Eskimo Dog-mix, delights in jumping into my arms from the ground. (Of course that wouldn’t work if he were injured, so I still want him to be happy about being lifted when necessary.)

• Some small dogs may be more comfortable in one of the various front or backpacks designed for canine carrying, rather than being held in your arms. 

• Many veterinary exam rooms have tables that can be lowered and raised. Ask your vet if she can lower the table and invite your dog to hop up on her own, rather than lifting her up. 

• Similarly, a lift tailgate on a truck can be used the same way. 

PICK UP TRICKS

Then there’s the training part. You can help your dog be happy about being lifted by giving her a new, positive association with the procedure and allowing her to have a choice in the process.

We’ll put our reliable old friends counter-conditioning and desensitization to good use here. (Technically, if your dog has no prior association with being picked up, you are conditioning – that is, creating an association – rather than counter-conditioning, which is changing an already existing association, usually from negative to positive.) 

Break the picking-up process into small increments and get your dog happy at each step by pairing it with high-value treats (chicken is my favorite – low fat, low calorie, and high value for most dogs). 

Start by reaching toward your dog, then feed a treat while your reaching hand is still offered. Repeat this step until she eagerly looks for chicken each time you reach. The next step will be to touch her and feed her a bit of chicken. 

Gradually add steps that move you toward picking her up, making sure she is happy (not just tolerant) at each step before proceeding to the next.

When you are ready to actually begin lifting, add a cue. “Up” may come to mind, but if you use “up” to mean jump up on something (like I do) then you need to use something else. I use “Lift” for this, but you can use any cue you want as long as it’s unique to this behavior.

Say your “Lift!” cue and put very gentle upward pressure on your dog’s body, regardless of which lift procedure you have elected to use. Then feed a chicken treat (you are still doing counter-conditioning). As you continue, look for signs that your dog is participating in the process – perhaps moving into your hands when you lower them for the lift – and eventually boosting herself up when you give the “Lift” cue. 

When she regularly offers those moves, you have established a cooperative care procedure; she is a willing partner in the lift. Congratulations! This is our goal with all the things we do with our dogs; we are always looking for signs that they are happy participants in the activities we ask them to do with us. 

Of course, now you have an obligation to her. When you say “Lift!” watch for her to offer her signal that she is ready and willing to be lifted. When she signals, proceed with the lift. If she doesn’t offer the signal, she is telling you she’s not ready or not comfortable. Don’t pick her up. Reposition and try again. 

If she repeatedly declines to be lifted, look for an alternative option – one of the several described above. Only if it’s an absolute emergency will you pick her up without her approval signal. For example, if she’s injured and needs to be rushed to the vet, the flood waters are quickly rising, or the wildfire is rapidly advancing on your home and you have to evacuate now. In that case, by all means pick her up – gently and carefully – and make a mental note to go back to refresh her pick-up training when there are no pressing emergencies. 

Note: If your dog is seriously injured, I recommend muzzling her before picking her up. Pain can cause even the gentlest dog in the word to bite if the injury is jostled. If you don’t have a muzzle, a leash may do. Animal-control officers routinely leash-muzzle the injured dogs they pick up, by wrapping the leash snugly around the dog’s muzzle and holding it tightly while lifting the dog.

TRAIN ANY METHOD

If you plan to use alternatives to lifting, you’ll need to train those also. Your dog needs to already be very happy about her crate before you use it to physically move her, and you’ll still want to do lots of crate games with her, without moving the crate so that any trepidation caused by the moving crate is greatly outweighed by all the fun stuff. 

Teach her the fun game of jumping into a laundry basket and play the game with her regularly, so the fun far outweighs any stress that might be caused by carrying her in it. If you plan to use a ramp or a lift board, introduce her to it and take the time (with treats, of course) to show her how to use it. If you want to use a pack or carrier, teach your dog to happily jump in on her own, so you don’t have to lift her to put her in it.

If your vet uses a table lift, ask if you can do happy vet visits where you introduce her to the table without it being part of an intrusive exam, and continue to occasionally drop by (during the clinic’s slow times) so you can play more fun table games with your dog. We recommend happy vet visits anyway, so this is just one more thing to include in your vet-visit repertoire. (See “Fear Free Veterinary Care,” August 2019.)

CARRIED AWAY

Compared to many of the behavior challenges I see with my clients’ dogs, the lifting problem is a relatively easy fix. The inappropriate dog-lifting I have seen with recent clients has been due solely to a lack of awareness on the humans’ part. I gently suggest to them that just because they can pick up their dogs doesn’t mean they should. Once educated about proper dog-lifting, each of them has jumped on board with protocols to minimize the need to lift and to help their dogs be more comfortable with being picked up if/when necessary. 

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard this confession from an adopter of one of my foster puppies: “I know it’s wrong, but we allowed the puppy to sleep with us last night. I’ve read about how I must crate him. But he was crying! And he seemed so sad. And when we took him in with us he settled down and I finally got some sleep. But what should I do tonight?”

Almost every new puppy owner I counsel has searched the internet’s dog-training sites and emerged with the sternly delivered rule:

“Crate your new 8-week-old puppy at night. You’ll have to get up once or twice to let them out to go to the bathroom, but put them right back in. Ignore them when they cry. They’ll get used to it.” [Editor’s note: No one has ever read that on the WDJ site!]

If you have followed that advice and it’s working beautifully for you . . . fabulous. Happy trails. You can skip reading this.

If, however, this feels wrong to you, or you are dying to soothe your crying puppy, I’m here to give you permission to listen to your gut. Please do create a softer alternative for those first few nights. In fact, here’s the shocking advice I give to clients: If you want to, go ahead and bring that pup into bed with you. It’s what we do at our house, and here’s why.

HOW PUPPIES SLEEP

My family and I have now fostered close to 200 puppies, mostly moms with their litters. I spend countless hours watching the way puppies sleep and I can tell you this: It is never alone. It is in a warm, snuggled, co-breathing, ever-shifting pile of the beings they know and love best. There are puppy sighs, and – as they stretch – the sweetest little groans. Sometimes somebody staggers over for a cooler spot, but an hour later they’re back, burrowing into a nook they create just between their sister’s head and their brother’s butt. It is clearly bliss.

Alas, this can’t last forever, and one day, after two months spent sleeping exactly in this manner, the puppy goes “home” with his new humans. They are kind and responsible, and they are simply trying to follow expert advice when they take that confused puppy and stick him into a crate, alone, for hours, at night, with nothing to distract him. The puppy has nothing to do but miss his (real) family.

Of course he cries.

It’s not the end of the world. Eventually, probably, he will get over it. It might be in an hour, or a week, but eventually – probably – the puppy will sleep alone in the crate without crying (except for those pups who are triggered by their terror in a crate into developing separation anxiety). The “crate them right away” approach works fine for many, and it has its advantages. But there are other, kinder options. 

BENEFITS OF CO-SLEEPING

At our house, when we have a pup just separated from the litter, we don’t do the alone-in-a-crate-all-night thing. Instead, we do our best to recreate that puppy pile they’re so used to, right in our own bed. We pop that puppy in between us. Soon enough, we are the littermates. After a very confusing first day without the comfort of her original family, you can almost feel the puppy sighing, thinking, “Okay, now this feels right.” 

There is no crying, which means we get lots more sleep. Sure, we wake from time to time when the puppy readjusts, burrows in under an arm, or perhaps licks our face. But seriously? Those moments are delicious. If you are inclined to love that, don’t let that stern internet advice deprive you of one of the sweetest times in the world. Treat yourself, and your puppy, to six hours of easy bonding. You may well find that it advances your daytime interactions too.

WON’T HE PEE IN MY BED?

A big objection to this approach is that everyone’s sure the puppy will pee or poop in the bed. After all, when folks using a crate take the crying puppy out at 2 a.m., he always pees. They draw the conclusion that the pup was crying because he had to pee. Maybe! But more likely, he was crying because he was sad and lonely – most can easily hold it from 11 p.m. to 5 a.m. 

How do I know? Because we do it all the time. With us, 8-week-old pups sleep soundly for those six hours with no bathroom break, happily snuggled into a family pile. Here’s how to make that happen:

✓ No food after 7 p.m.

✓ No water after 8:30. (Maybe a sip, but no big glugs.)

✓ Commit to a long, frisky play session outside just before bed. Not a quick step outside for a little pee, but a nice, action-filled adventure. (Motion encourages pees and poops!)

When we follow those rules, the puppies do not have to go out in the middle of the night. (The one exception is pups with diarrhea. If your pup doesn’t have a solid stool then this is risky indeed for obvious reasons.)

Mind you, once the pup truly awakens in the morning – more than just the reshuffling for a better spot, but walking around on the bed at 5 a.m. – it’s time to sprint into action. Jump out of bed – this is no time for your own bathroom break! Pick up that puppy and carry him outside quick. Whatever you do, don’t make the puppy walk to the door, because the motion of walking will mean “game over.” Carry the pup to the outdoor potty area and then be ready to reward him for what will naturally and quickly follow! 

DON’T WANT TO SLEEP WITH A GROWN DOG?

Often folks are open to the idea of sleeping with a little puppy, but the idea of sharing the bed forever with a 70-lb grown dog is a hard “No!” They worry that once that barrier is broken, there’s no going back.

Not true. If you’d like, you can create a plan to transition the pup to the crate in a couple of weeks. By then, two incredibly important things will have happened:

1. Your pup will be happy at your house, understanding that you’re her new family.

2. You will have accustomed the pup to her crate with positive sessions during the daytime, so that she’s used to napping alone in there. It’s no longer such a big stretch to do it at night too. To make it easier, move an extra crate next to your bed, start using that every now and then during the day, and then one night – after a particularly adventurous, exhausting day – pop her in to sleep in there at night. 

Perhaps you’re thinking, if she’s going to be sleeping alone in her crate soon, why not just bite the bullet and do it from the get-go? My answer is just … empathy. Surely you remember very sad moments of your life, times filled with fear. Just because they turned out okay later doesn’t mean they weren’t horrible. So why not keep your puppy from having that moment if you possibly can? Just because you know it’s all going to be okay doesn’t mean the puppy does. 

FIRST NIGHTS ARE SCARY

After that first adjustment week, I find a crate absolutely indispensable for daily life with a puppy. And I’m also a big fan of letting a pup experience a slight feeling of discomfort before getting to the other side of a challenge. That builds confidence and resilience. 

But when it comes to the very long night spent alone the exact moment the pup goes through the most shocking transition of her life? That’s one time where I’m going to err on the side of emotional comfort. 

“Sheesh, I thought my dog would love having a new friend, but he is being so mean to the new little puppy!”

I hear this all the time from shocked owners. But what’s surprising to me is not the resident dog’s behavior. It is the fact that the humans in question had an expectation of immediate bliss. 

Sure, this can happen sometimes – particularly if the current dog is very young and absolutely lives for playdates with his neighborhood friends. Then the arrival of a new puppy might elicit one of those “You complete me!” moments worthy of TikTok, YouTube, and Instagram. 

 But that instant-friend scenario should not be any dog owner’s going-in assumption. To understand why, let’s try a little thought experiment: How would you feel if your parents decided that you needed a new best friend? And then … 

• Brought a stranger home to live with you, 24/7.

• By the way, it turns out their idea of a great friend for you is a toddler! What the heck?! This isn’t play, it’s babysitting. And it’s exhausting and boring at the same time.

• Plus, the best parts of your day have disappeared because your parents are so absorbed with the new kid.

• Furthermore, you’re apparently supposed to allow the weird toddler to climb all over you until you’re bruised and to let him take your stuff until it’s ruined.

• The heartbreaking final straw: When you accept the babysitting situation and actually try to teach the toddler good manners, your parents are mad at you all the time, saying, “Don’t be so mean!”

See? We should not be amazed when our dog is not immediately thrilled with the new puppy. 

SMOOTHING THE WAY

Typically, on the day a new puppy is brought home, resident dogs are anywhere from a little unsure to definitely not in favor. Don’t worry yet! There will likely be incremental progress every day. While there are some sad cases where an adult dog cannot accept a puppy even when you’re doing everything right, in my experience, most of the time, by Week 3 things have settled nicely.

This is not to say that I agree with the advice, commonly given to folks whose older dog is not enjoying the new puppy, to “just let them work it out.” Ugh. When there are half a dozen easy things we can do to smooth the beginning of that hoped-for friendship, why in the world would we subject our two supposedly beloved dogs to the fear, sadness, and frustration of working it out themselves? 

Here’s how you can ease the transition for your older dog, create a safer, more developmentally positive scenario for your puppy, and increase the odds that the two will very quickly become real friends.

1. Manage the environment so that puppy contact is always optional. An older dog should never be forced to hang out with a puppy. Use gates, crates, benches, and whatever else you have to create a situation where your older dog can always escape and head to a peaceful “adult swim” scenario elsewhere in the house. 

Puppies can be rude. For your dog, playing with a puppy is not the same as playing with a fun adult dog. While some dogs are incredibly tolerant of all of the mouthing and jumping – and even seem to relish the babysitting job – others are understandably horrified at first. If you trap your adult dog with the puppy, you are asking too much. Your dog will be stressed and sad, and your puppy may end up hurt. 

Note that some of the most puppy-friendly adult dogs can be a little overwhelming to new puppies, so the “no forcing” advice goes both ways. Make sure a little puppy has a few easy retreats – perhaps under couches and chairs – so that the puppy also has a chance to opt in or out depending on comfort level. Let them both choose all of this at their own pace. (Note that it may not be your preferred pace!)

2. Let your adult dog growl. I cringe when I hear people instructing their older dog, “Shadow, be nice!” in a threatening tone. Shadow is being nice by agreeing to hang out with this toddler! The least you can do is give him the tools he needs to teach the puppy some important lessons. 

The fastest way to convince an older dog that this puppy really is an awful turn of events is to pair the puppy’s presence with the feeling that he is constantly on the verge of being in trouble: “Whenever I interact with that puppy, Mom gets mad at me.” 

If you have, ill-advisedly, trapped your older dog with the puppy, then the resulting growls and snaps could, in fact, be dangerous. However, if you have made interacting optional, then you know that Shadow has actually chosen to be with the puppy. In that case, his growl, and that scary-looking little snap/snarl, are part of healthy boundary-setting. It may look worrisome to you, but Shadow’s good-manners lessons will end up keeping the puppy safer with other dogs in the long run.

So here’s what to say instead of threatening your dog to “Be nice!” when you hear him growl. How about saying, “Good job, Shadow! Thank you.” When your adult dog feels your support, he’s going to be even more solid in his interactions with this pup. 

3. Don’t change your dog’s best stuff. When people adopt a new puppy (or for that matter, welcome a new baby into the home), they know that it’s going to be a week or two of total disruption. They are sure that eventually normalcy will return. 

You know who doesn’t know that? The resident dog. So the very kindest thing you can do is to identify your dog’s top three things in life and make sure they are undisturbed by the arrival of the interloper. Is it the morning walk with Dad? The after-work game of fetch with Mom? The daily playdate with Rover across the street? Whatever your dog loves best, leave those cornerstones of a happy life in place when the puppy arrives. If the puppy is paired with Shadow’s loss of his very favorite things, how do you think he’ll feel about the puppy? Giving your dog stability will help him be at his generous best with the new puppy.

4. Exhaust your puppy elsewhere. Most of the time, the new puppy’s very favorite thing will be the resident dog. As flattering as that may look, it is very hard to be the constant recipient of that much enthusiastically rendered physical love all day long. 

Do your dog a favor and find some other friends for your puppy to adore. Ideally, there is another puppy right up the street, and a few times a week you can take all of those sharp teeth and the wild jumping and pair it with a like-minded buddy. If you’ve planned ahead, you may have already reserved space in your local force-free trainer’s puppy kindergarten classes or puppy socials. You know what happens next? You get to bring home a very chill puppy, who might suddenly strike your older dog as kind of a nice kid. 

5. Two dogs = Duck! Fish! Feta! Finally, start to create some fun new experiences for your dog that only happen near the puppy. Find a treat that you’ve never given to your dog before. Maybe it’s those dried fish cubes at the pet store. Maybe it’s the feta cheese in your fridge. Whatever it is, bring it out a few times a day and give it to both dogs only when they’re together. Voilà! Even if your dog isn’t yet actually enjoying the company of the puppy, at least here’s a reason to want to be near the toddler every now and then. 

TWO IS A MAGIC NUMBER

Most of the time, two dogs really are more fun than one. Folks who’ve lived amid a doggy friendship witness so much mutual joy that it’s hard for them to imagine having one dog at a time. The thing is, we humans have a tendency to jump ahead. We get that puppy and immediately envision the end game – forgetting to focus on how to get there. As a result, our trusted old friend and our brand new one have to go through a rocky first phase. The whole house is stressed. 

It doesn’t have to be that way. Just a little empathy combined with a solid initial plan can create a beautifully calm on-ramp to what may well be that dream friendship.