Have you heard about the 3-3-3 decompression rule? We’ve seen memes about it everywhere on social media. It says your new dog will likely feel overwhelmed for the first three days, will settle in and feel more comfortable in your home by the end of three weeks, and after three months will be feeling secure in her new home. By this time, according to the adage, you and your dog will have developed a secure loving bond and trusting relationship.
This sounds lovely – but there is a huge problem with it. It’s a formula, and dogs are living, thinking, sentient individuals who don’t follow formulas.
Certainly there is wisdom in the advice to give your dog time to settle in. He needs time to recover from the stress of life in a shelter kennel or foster home – and then adoption and rehoming! There is no doubt that most dogs will go through an adjustment period when they come to live with you. It’s important to know this before you adopt a dog; your new canine family member may ultimately act very differently than when you first met her.
Phases of a rehomed dog’s decompression
Rather than set expectations for specific time frames, let’s discuss how to help your new dog cope during three big adjustment phases:
- The Shellshock Phase. When you first bring her home, your dog may be overwhelmed. She may shut down, refuse to eat or drink, soil her crate, vocalize, try to escape, and/or otherwise behave inappropriately. And it may take her much longer than three days to get through this phase! Try to let go of any forecasts you’ve heard for how long it will take for her to decompress and de-stress.
Do everything you can to minimize her stress: Give her space; don’t overwhelm her with attention; remove anything that is obviously fear-causing; be calm, quiet, and gentle with her; and do everything slowly – for as long as it takes. (Note that some dogs skip this phase altogether and walk in your door and start behaving as if they have lived with you their whole lives; that’s the best! – but not that common.)
- The Settle-In Phase. Your dog has worked through her initial stress and is settling in, getting used to the routine and opening up more. If she was shut down in the first phase, you’ll likely see new behaviors now – the “real” dog! Some of these behaviors may be undesirable ones, so you might have to increase your management. On the plus side, now that she’s more comfortable, you can interact with her more and begin your force-free training program.
- The Rest-Of-Her-Life Phase. Your dog has settled into her new life, and the two of you truly have that secure, loving bond and trusting relationship. It may have taken three months – or three years! In any case, enjoy the rest of your lives together.
“It’s a formula, and dogs are living, thinking, sentient individuals who don’t follow formulas.”
Right. But humans do follow formulas, and this one helps them understand that it takes a dog time to adjust. The 3-3-3 rule is not perfect, it’s not black and white, but it starts the conversation and the thought process.
I agree with Mr. Dentler’s comments. It’s not a one-size solution but it at least starts the conversation about decompression, and may (should, does) manage an adopter’s expectations so they don’t expect their newly adopted pup to be a fully adapted, friendly, stress-free, housetrained, and well-mannered 20 minutes after they get him in the house. It has validity as a guideline and would recommend modifying it as needed to suit a particular dog and particular adopter v. disregarding it altogether.
I have brought in dogs from the time they have been puppies, teenage puppies and adult dogs. Each has its own needs and transitions into your home. My first rule of thumb is calm and patience. If accidents happen stay calm and direct the dog to what you need them to do without having ill feelings about what just happened. Instead care for them in helping them understand how to do things. They will respond so much better. Communication is amazing between your dog once you earn his or her trust.
I adopted my boy from a local rescue over 2.5 yrs ago and I was told about the decompression period. They actually give you a “one week sleepover” period to see how it goes and if the pups will be a good fit for you and you for them. The foster mom pulled up to the house with him for the sleepover, opened the back door, he flew out of the car and into the house like he knew exactly where he was going. That whole day, he walked around my house like he had been here for years. It took him less than a few days to learn my routine (I’m a creature of habit and on a schedule). He settled right into it immediately. I know I really lucked out with him but I would have given him all the time he needed to get acclimated and comfortable. I’m a first time dog mom and as much as I have trained him (force free, punishment free) he has also taught me so much about being a responsible, caring and loving dog owner. It requires a lot of patience and love when rescuing an abused and neglected dog. Mine has his fair share of not just trauma but also medical issues. We work through everything together. I will make the rest of his life, the best of his life and my only goal is to love him so much that he forgets the horrors he faced before coming to his furever home
This story made my day! Thank you for being so compassionate and caring to a pup in need.
Totally in agreement with Jeff Dentler and SUNDOG comment.
I was somewhat dismayed at the article header.
I’m the Aux. Pres. of a 501c3 which, for over 20+ years, has financially and physically supported an open intake County shelter by providing volunteers (on- and off-site).
We counsel adopters on the animal’s needs ( handling, (training/socialization), exercise, nutrition, their patience, etc.) and provide the 333’s and Lili Chin infographic handouts.
For us the 333s is a supplemental and supportive “guide” to the discussion we have with the potential adopter regarding the animal, its known history, personaliy and fit potential for their family and lifestyle.
Unfortunately, we have experienced a number of returns due to a new adopter’s unrealistic expectation due to their lack of knowledge and patience. We know the importance of educating on the many factors that will ensure a successful adoption.
We discuss the time frame elements noting that they are advisory guidelines to afford their chosen pet the best opportunity to fully settle and assimilate into their family setting…. and to praise, praise, praise the successes.
Totally in agreement with Jeff Dentler and SUNDOG comment.
I was somewhat dismayed at the article header.
I’m the Aux. Pres. of a 501c3 which, for over 20+ years, has financially and physically supported an open intake County shelter by providing volunteers (on- and off-site).
We counsel adopters on the animal’s needs ( handling, (training/socialization), exercise, nutrition, their patience, etc.) and provide the 333’s and Lili Chin infographic handouts.
For us the 333s is a supplemental and supportive “guide” to the discussion we have with the potential adopter regarding the animal, its known history, personality and fit potential for their family and lifestyle.
Unfortunately, we have experienced a number of returns due to a new adopter’s unrealistic expectation owing to their lack of knowledge and patience. We know the importance of educating on the many factors that will ensure a successful adoption.
We discuss the time frame elements noting that they are advisory guidelines to afford their chosen pet the best opportunity to fully settle and assimilate into their family setting…. and to praise, praise, praise the successes.
I agree completely, Maggie.
My Freyja was returned twice by people that likely did not have the patience or unreasonable expectations or were just ignorant of her breed characteristics. Because she was returned twice (the second time within 24 hours) for destructive behavior, she was red-carded. It was only by chance I saw her on the shelter website. Diana pawPrints and i drove three hours to meet her and then bring her home. She has no idea how close she came. But I’m retired, home all day, an experienced dog owner and I know what to expect. I gave her the time and the patience and it’s paid off. She is just a wonderful dog. My parents love her and their dog is her bestest friend. She has no idea how lucky she is.
I ignore that formula thing except as a very fluid guideline.
When I brought Freyja home from the animal shelter she didn’t really have the shell-shocked phase. But it did take her a while to get over some insecurities related to the car and the dog park. Months for that. But it was after a year that I noticed a real change in her. She had calmed quite a bit and was just being her best dog self.
I think at first she thought every time I wanted her to get in the car i was taking her to the shelter. It took a few times for her to realize the Dog Wash was not the shelter. The vet was not the shelter either. Nor was the dog park. I think the repeated trips to my parents really clinched the “cars are fun” connection. She she gets in the car, we go see her best friend Dolly. And she gets lots of treats in that house.
According to the shelter, Freyja, (or Gray as she was called by her first adopter) was brought in off of the streets. This is likely where her trash digging behavior was formed. Likely to survive. From what I gathered her first adopter had her for a while, and they think she was left in the back yard all day. She was returned for destructive behavior. Her second adopter returned her within 24 hours for the same reason; destructive behavior. I assume neither were familiar enough with the waiting period for adopting a dog. I also suspect the second adopter left her alone in a house or apartment for the day while they went to work and came home to a destroyed living space. In the first two weeks I had her she would wake early and then quietly amuse herself by chewing on things like my clothes.
What did I do? The first week she was outside with Diana during the day, I went out every half hour or so and sat and let her lick my face and get pets. Gradually I increased that wait time to an hour, then two hours, then three. I also starting setting the alarm for 6am and taking them both out for breakfast, then going back in the house to sleep. Gradually I set the alarm later and later. I also endeavored to “catch her in the act” to correct the unwanted behavior.
I also started to teach her how to be a dog. She had no clue what a dog toy was or what to do with it. No clue what a play bow was. Lucky for me, Diana helped her learn and I gave her plenty of toys, plus I saw her on the security camera stealing a few of Diana’s toys and then playing with them in Diana’s bed. She had her own bed close to but not next to Diana that she could use all day in the yard. I would go out and pet her on the bed, pet her while sitting in a garden chair, but her reward was mostly kissing my face. So if she came when I called, she got to lick me, sat quietly, licks, any positive behavior got her the licks she wanted. Negative behavior like jumping up got my back and nothing. She is observant and a quick learner.
Her anxiety level rose the first visit to the dog park. She never moved from next to me or under my chair. Now 18 months later she is initiating play bows and playing with dogs.
It takes time and patience but is totally worth it. I love how she has become her own dog and of the three, she is the calmest and most trusting, sleeping on her back with her belly exposed quite often.
There was very little overwhelmed, the comfortable took a few months but the security took at least a year. But now she is the most secure dog of the three in the family pack. Some of the credit does go to Diana and Dolly, my parent’s dog. They have really shown her how to relax and be a dog. And I think on some level she has realized that she has a really good life and won’t be going back to the shelter ever again. That realization is probably what helped her over the hump to be her best self.
She’ll never know she was red-carded for destructive behavior and being returned twice or how close she came. I look at her and am both sad and relieved. Now she has a chance to live a wonderful life and be the dog she was born to be.
Formulas are a fine starting point but it’s better to use them as a framework and allow the dog to progress at its own pace. For some things Freyja rushed through and for others it took a lot of time and patience. Time and patience are the real key. However long it takes, that’s how long it takes.
I adopted my Cocoa when she was a puppy 18 years ago from the local shelter. I was an ignorant first time dog owner and all I had was my desire to do right by her. The shelter gave zero advice or counseling. Fast forward 18 years and yes I did my best. But there are ways I failed Cocoa too. Cocoa passed away a couple of weeks ago and i miss her much. I am educating myself before I adopt my next dog. And I won’t make the same mistakes I made the first time around.
As others have stated, the sentiment of the article may be valid — dogs are sentient beings and don’t always follow a formula — however, the headline and admonishment to disregard the 3/3/3 guideline is irresponsible and does a disservice to all dogs moving into a new home, be it from a breeder, shelter, or rescue.
Do dogs follow a prescribed formula when settling into a new home with new humans? No, of course not. Is the 3/3/3 guide a reasonable guide for folks unfamiliar with easing dogs into new surroundings? Yes, it is.
For 28 years I have been coaching folks who have recently purchased or adopted dogs. Invariably, during the conversation, the human will state that the dog has been with them X amount of time, and damn, if it’s not always fairly close to aligning with the 3/3/3 rule, making it easy to help them understand where their dog is in the settling in.
The 3/3/3 isn’t there for the dogs, it’s there to help the humans through the phases of settling their new friend. As a humane industry professional with 28+ years of deep shelter and rescue experience, guidelines such as 3/3/3 are needed to assist with human education and patience.
I admire Pat Miller, and often refer folks to her writing when educating, but in this instance, I feel strongly that this is an irresponsible article, and am truly dismayed reading it.