Last week, I was 100% sure I would be having Otto euthanized at today’s appointment with a veterinarian who provides hospice and home-euthanasia services. I won’t beat around the bush; he’s still with us.
There was one important difference between last week and this: The “heat dome” that has kept California roasting for over a week finally broke, and temperatures dropped all the way down into the 80s, a welcome relief from a week with daily highs over 110°F. As dawn broke this morning, we even got a little spotty rain – bizarre for this area and this time of year, but welcome just the same.
As I said in my last post, Otto has never liked heat, and as an old guy, set in his ways, he was super grumpy about not being able to lay in his damp, shady sandbox outside. He didn’t want to be kept indoors (protected from the heat); he wanted to be outside, but outside was just awful! So he was extra miserable.
The veterinarian who came to my home today was impressed by Otto’s insistence at joining the scrum of dogs to greet her at my home-office door, even as young Boone and middle-aged Woody were knocking into him in their effusive greetings. She also was impressed by his intense interest in the treats I gave her to introduce herself to him. He’s also completely continent, in contrast to many of her other patients. Apparently, a lot of the dogs she sees in this type of practice are much closer to the end before their owners call her in, to the point where they won’t get up to greet someone, aren’t eating much, and are in diapers.
That made me feel a little bad; was I being over-anxious, pulling the trigger too soon? Maybe it’s the fact that I’ve been at the deathbed of loved ones – humans – who were in hospice care as well as those who were unable to receive hospice care for some reason; I just don’t want anyone I love to suffer before death. I’ve seen deathbed suffering; it’s ugly and unnecessary.
The doctor put some of my fears at ease. We discussed Otto’s panting, which I have interpreted as a symptom of pain and anxiety. She agreed that pain and anxiety could be a factor in his almost non-stop panting, but said something I’ve never heard before, that a lot of old dogs have enlarged livers (as I have been told Otto also has) and that as the liver enlarges, it pushes up against the diaphragm, and requires a little more forceful breathing.
She agreed that his front paws and elbows appear to be paining him quite a bit, and she could see how he has altered his posture to compensate, but thought that the amount of difficulty he shows in getting up from laying down is not too bad. As skinny as his thighs feel to me now, she thought his muscle tone was decent, given his age.
She also made me feel a bit better about the panic I was in last week. She said that a lot of old dogs have good days and bad days, and even good weeks and bad weeks, but that she often sees old dogs who look like they are death’s door bounce back when minor issues are addressed – and that the heat of last week was just pushing him past his ability to tolerate his chronic arthritic discomfort.
We reviewed his medications; he’s currently on omeprazole (for acid reflux), Galliprant (a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory), and Tramadol (a synthetic opioid). She suggested I add gabapentin back into the mix. I have had him on gabapentin before, for many months while he was also being given the Galliprant, but I could not say I ever saw any difference in either his discomfort or sleeping patterns when he was on it. But she thought the third medication might complement the Galliprant and Tramadol together, so I’ll give that a try again.
All in all, even though he seemed so much better today than he did last week, I’m so glad I brought this vet in for this examination and consultation. Given Otto’s lifelong aversion to slippery floors and most dogs’ apprehension to going to a vet’s office, it’s understandable that when I take him to see one of his regular vets, he always looks worse than he does as home, wide-eyed, trembling, and shaky. A month ago, I brought him to see his internal medicine doctor, and she seemed more dubious about his ability to go on than even I was last week. This morning, on his home turf, Otto seemed, for the most part, like a creaky, limpy, lumpy version of his usual unfailingly well-mannered and friendly self – if a little more unselfconscious about begging for treats than he ever used to be. Now this veterinarian will have an idea about his current baseline – where he is now, and what “too much” might look like. And I got some reassurance that I’m not doing to wrong thing by trying to keep him around at least a little longer.
A final note: Thank you all for your comments with support and advice. I read and appreciate every single one. I feel truly honored to be able to share my magnificent Otto with you, and I am grateful for your care and feeling for him more than I can possibly say.
I’m so happy to hear Otto’s doing better since your heatwave let up. We had a yellow lab who we thought we were going to have to put her down several times, but then she would just snap out of it! And that would make it so difficult because we always wondered if we were going to take her in too soon, in case she might get better again. I understand why now after I read this article! Like the lady said, sometimes they have a bad week! Our dog made it to the ripe old age of 16, her vet said that’s really good for her breed. It’s a hard decision and we can only to the best we can do! Wishing you the best, and the wisdom to know what to do. Please give Otto some love from his adoring fans. 😉
Thank you so much for the update…you have no idea how much your candidness and detailed descriptions help those of us also on this difficult path. It fills up my heart with joy to hear Otto is still having good days. ..and able to enjoy a cool shady nap in his sandbox. 🙂
It’s wonderful that you and Otto have more time to share! And I so appreciate your frank and honest description of Otto’s condition and your handling of the situation. It’s not often that someone is so open and transparent about illness and end of life care. I read all of your blog posts and feel closely connected to what you and Otto are going through, as I have had to handle with similar situations with my own canine kids. It’s so difficult, but it helps to know how others are navigating the journey. Thanks you so much for all you give of yourself to help the rest of us with our beloved pups.
Blessings to you and to Otto.
I remember when you started The Dog Journal and have loved hearing about your journey with Otto. Thank you for sharing him with all of us and giving such truth about our journey with our fur babies thru their lives.
I recently helped our Sweet Storygirl and her daughter, Casmere, (our golden girls)transition to heaven. They passed within 6 weeks of each other and we miss them so much bur are so grateful for the love we shared with them for 10 and 12 years. We are aging ourselves so will be giving back thru helping at a local SPCA and sharing The Whole Dog Journal with everyone we meet. Maybe an upcoming article on knowing when not to get a dog as we age would be a learning process.
Thank you for sharing this post with all of us who have tried our best to do the right thing as our animals age. You are a GREAT dog mom, balancing love, compassion and knowledge to give Otto the best care all members of our animal and human families deserve.
Nancy – My heart hurts for you as you wait with Otto as he gets ready to leave this life. It’s no doubt been suggested, but CBD oil from a reputable source doesn’t interfere with any other medications and helps with pain, appetite and especially sleep. I use Cannanine as they are rigorous about lab testing – No THC and no heavy metals, and tons of education. They are affiliated with IHeartDogs and the charity “Greater Good.” I have no affiliation with them. As you know from watching loved ones go through hospice and depart, it’s so hard – yet we do them an important service by staying to the end and being their witness of all they go through. That quote from WWII still applies, “They also serve who wait and watch.” Please take my comment down if it feels inappropriate to mention CBD. I wish you calmness and peace wherever it can be had at this time. You are an amazing dog parent and advocate for all the right things, and I’m sure you have inspired thousands beyond just the readership of WDJ.
Thank you for the info Linda “K”, I’ve been searching for info about CBD and appreciate you sharing your research.
I am so happy Otto is still here and happy! I loved Otto from the time Nancy got him. She shared him with many readers, who have written her about Otto. I wanted to send readers a poem sent to me
by his groomers when I lost my beloved Josh last Jan. 7 to bone cancer. Diana Adams
“Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears,
but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you . . .
I loved you so. . . ’twas Heaven here with you. ” Ilsa Paschal Richardson
Thank you for sharing Otto and your observations with us. Good pup!
Thank you for the update. I am happy/relieved the news is positive. My soul mutt has a mass growing on the lower portion of his leg, making it inoperable. We just moved to a new state and had the added stress of needing to find a new vet immediately. (Our last vet was amazing, making it even harder to say goodbye.) It took two tries, but we found the right one who will help us through the next phase. It is terrible knowing when to make the right decision and weighing whether or not you are making the decision for yourself or your dog. Reading your updates helps me not feel alone and will help me know I am making the right decision when the time does come. For now he is doing well and we are enjoying our time together.
P.S. I am a Chico graduate and really enjoy when you talk about the area. I miss that part of the country and treasure the time I spent there.
Nancy, I have loved Otto since you got him; you shared him with your readers. Many who wrote you
recently concerning Otto have sadly lost their beloved dogs, and I received a poem I love, when I
lost my beloved Josh last Jan. For all those who mourned losses:
“Grieve not, nor speak of me with tears
but laugh and talk of me as if I were beside you . . .
I loved you so , , ,’twas Heaven here with you.” by Ilsa Paschal Richardson