My cat Yogi was 20 years old, but the very picture of health until a malignant tumor took up residence in his mouth. It grew quickly and began causing Yogi much discomfort – so much so that he wouldn’t eat. I didn’t want my buddy to get to the point of immense suffering.
I moved about a year ago, and had looked for a veterinarian with Fear Free or Low Stress Handling credentials. I found a clinic that advertised itself as a fear-free hospital within an hour’s drive, and had visited the clinic several times without being either impressed or dismayed. I made an appointment to have Yogi euthanized at this clinic.
When the veterinarian entered the examination room, I told him I’d like Yogi to be sedated before the euthanasia drug was administered. He indicated that this was fine, and left the room. He came back with an assistant and a tiny syringe, saying, “This will sting a little but within less than five minutes he’ll be completely sedated, though his eyes will remain open. Are you ready?” I said yes. He then said that after he gave the sedation injection, he’d leave and come back in five minutes to euthanize Yogi.
I’m not new to this procedure, but it never gets easier. As a vet tech, I assisted in the euthanasia of hundreds of pets; I’ve also supported friends, family, and clients during the euthanasia of their pets, and was present when all of my own animals passed. But what I experienced that day haunts me.
Yogi was very weak, had recently stopped eating, and had failing kidneys. Many animals in this condition don’t even notice an injection. I expected that he might feel a little prick and then slowly go to sleep – but that’s not what happened.
When the vet injected the drug into the muscle of Yogi’s hind leg, my cat screamed the loudest meow I’ve ever heard and, with a power he hadn’t displayed in years, thrust himself backward almost off the end of the table. The vet said, “You can let him go.” What?! I heard the words but my protective instinct kicked in; I was not going to let my frail friend crash to the floor! I was able to prevent him from falling off the table, but then he launched himself forward and upward out of my arms, flailing toward the wall. The vet and the tech stepped away from Yogi, as I flew to the other side of the table, catching him mid-air so he wouldn’t crash into the wall. They then excused themselves and left the room!
I sat with a now-comatose cat, limp, with eyes dilated and glassy. I held his fragile, soft, furry body – the same body that had just acted like super cat – and wept. What the hell just happened? I was in shock; the peaceful end I had hoped my friend would experience had instead turned hideously painful and traumatic.
A few minutes later, the vet and tech came back in, to give the final injection in a vein in Yogi’s hind leg. Within a minute, my boy was on his way to getting his wings to soar. As for me, the shock of Yogi’s last moments kept me silent except to say thank you as I picked up Yogi’s lifeless body to take home to bury.
That night, I couldn’t sleep, thinking how I betrayed my companion of 20 years by holding him while someone hurt and terrified him. I couldn’t shake the vision of Yogi’s last moments. Since I’d never experienced such a horrific euthanasia, I thought it was an anomaly – that his reaction was rare – and I vowed to disallow that drug, whatever it was, from being used on any of my animals again.
Horror Redux
Sadly, a few months later I would be facing another end-of-life decision, this time for a dear friend’s pet. My friend had passed away, and her spouse was having a tough time grieving her loss while caring for the special-needs dogs she left behind. In her honor, I asked if I could help care for the two senior dogs: Hopper, a 17-year-old, deaf, blind Chihuahua; and Buddy, a nine-year-old dog who was disabled with a spinal injury. My friend’s husband agreed, and I took them into my home.
It soon became clear to me that Hopper was failing. After a lengthy conversation with my friend’s spouse, we decided that it was time to let Hopper go, before his suffering was unbearable. Since I thought what happened with Yogi was an anomaly, I called the same veterinary practice to make an appointment to euthanize Hopper. Still, I planned to ask the veterinarian to use a different drug to sedate Hopper, so that the experience would be like all the other euthanasias I had witnessed. In addition, when I made the appointment, I asked for a sedative that I could give Hopper before we ever even got to the veterinary hospital; this little guy was blind and deaf and very vulnerable in his dark and silent world, and I wanted to give him all the help I could.
Hopper was very relaxed in my arms as we waited in the exam room. The veterinarian entered, and asked if I wanted to sedate Hopper further before administering the euthanasia drug. I said yes – but added that I didn’t want him to use the same drug that he used with Yogi.
The doctor responded that it should be fine for Hopper, because it’s harder on cats than dogs; just a little prick and in a few minutes he’d be completely sedated. I was stunned, thinking, “Wow, really?! You know it’s harder on cats than dogs and you gave it to my cat anyway?” But at the same time, I had this tiny dog in my arms on the table, not knowing what was going on, unable to see or hear, pressing his body against mine. I didn’t want to prolong the experience. I decided to trust the doctor’s word, that dogs don’t react to this drug like cats do, and since Hopper was already relaxed from the sedative I’d given him, it would be fine. So I said, “Okay, if you think the same thing won’t happen, then it’s time; yes, go ahead.”
I held Hopper while the vet gave the injection into the muscle in Hopper’s hind leg. There was no reaction from Hopper, thank goodness. Phew! The vet left the room.
Five minutes later, Hopper was still sitting in my arms, as awake and relaxed as he had been since we arrived. The vet came back in and looked at Hopper, amazed that he wasn’t fully sedated. “Wow,” said the doctor. “I’ve never seen this before. He’s not sedated at all.”
“No, he’s not,” I said. “Perhaps the syringe was empty?”
The vet looked at me as if I was crazy. He said, “NO, I gave the injection.” I remained silent, having said what I thought to be true, that perhaps the syringe was empty. He said he would go get another injection.
When the vet came back in, I suggested that he inject Hopper’s other hind leg. He agreed, saying, “There must have been no circulation in that other leg and that’s why the first injection didn’t work.”
I held Hopper while the vet gave the injection – and this time, Hopper screamed, became Superman, and started biting at the air. Blind, he was in a state of sheer panic and pain as I held him, snapping wildly. I looked into the vet’s eyes with fire in mine. He left the room, saying he’d be back in five minutes.
The moment the door closed, Hopper collapsed in my arms. I held him close, apologizing to him and crying my eyes out. I couldn’t believe this happened again. I was stricken because I had let Hopper down – I had let down his owner, my deceased friend! I was reliving Yogi’s horrible experience, and beside myself with anger and despair – and it still wasn’t over for Hopper.
Five of the longest minutes later, the vet and the technician came back in. They said nothing as they worked together to insert the needle into a vein and administer the euthanasia drug. I wept quietly, petting Hopper and silently imploring him to forgive me. Hopper’s end, like Yogi’s, wasn’t painless nor fear-free. I felt this was a heinous crime and I was complicit.It was all I could do to drive home afterward, taking deep breaths to calm myself, wiping the tears that kept falling down my face, and talking out loud to both of my deceased friends, Hopper and his owner, the whole way. It was gibberish chatter to help me make it home.
I feel terrible that it took two awful experiences to investigate the drug that caused such pain and terror in the two animals in my care, as well as the credentials behind the “fear free” claim made on the veterinary practice’s website, only to learn that the drug used in this way is not remotely the best protocol, and that no one in the veterinary hospital had any actual training or credentials in fear-free or low-stress handling.
After being upset to the point of immobility for days, I decided that I could, at the very least, try to prevent any other animals from suffering needlessly before being euthanized while their loving guardians witness their pain and terror. I don’t want any animal to go through what mine did, or any guardian to have this haunting memory seared into their minds for the rest of their lives.
I am now on a mission to spread information about ways to do everything a guardian can do to ensure a good death for her beloved animal companions when it’s time.
Ohh…before making a such an inhumane death sentence for your pets, just look at animals in their natural habitats and how their natural cycle works. They do get old, sick, injured and might be in great pain before they die but this is just the natural cycle of their life and the pain also is part of this natural process!
You are all crying about how horrific and traumatic seeing your pets last moments in the hands of vets lethal injections yet still happy enough to make such an inhuman decision to end their life in an unnatural way!!! The problem is that by the multi billion $$$ medical sector you are conditioned to believe that ending the life of an ailing or sick pet is perfectly humane and right as you are falsely made to believe you are ending their suffering in this SO called humane way!!! However when you witness the last moments of these helpless souls in the hand of the vets without their consent you are traumatised as your trusted companions that last look in your eyes hunts you and probably tells something different than you were thinking! They trust you unconditionally, they love you unconditionally so the last thing they probably think that you would make such a decision to end their life without their consent simply because they are ailing or sick!!! Yet most of you wouldn’t even dare to think about making such a decision for a member of your own human family when they get ailed or sick! However when it comes to your pets you can easily make such an inhuman decision! Western hypocrisy at its best! Those so called animal lovers will argue and probably will say that animals can’t talk for themselves so they can’t tell if they are in pain so us humans should end their suffering if we think they are not well! If that’s the case then there are millions of severely disabled human beings on planet earth that can’t talk for themselves so they should be also put down to sleep by their families or guardians! How would you know this disabled humans would like to be dead or alive? Another thing is that some other so called animals lovers will tell you animals can’t talk for themselves so they are vulnerable so they need to be protected yet ironically it’s mostly these kind of people that would agree it’s very humane to make a decision on their behalf to murder them if they are ill or ailing! Hypocrites!!! No one has the right to make a decision of ending the life of living being particularly a pet animal as they can’t talk for themselves! You’ll never know exactly if they wanted to be dead and you will be hunted forever for making such a decision! The purpose of life for both humans and animals on planet earth actually is not much different than eachother. Both will try to live until their last breath! If you truly love your pets than you should let the nature take it curse on them and let them die naturally at their most favourite place which is probably is your home or backyard! Then you will be in forever peace knowing that you didn’t end their life and they died peacefully at their most favourite place with the people they loved!
Thank you Apeniomon. My cat, Stanley, just passed away last night. He died naturally. I had all sorts of thoughts on if I did it the right way, and you have reassured me. I thought the choice was up to Stanley. I tried to listen to him the best I could.
The author claims to be “on a mission” to protect other animals but smirkingly omits the name of the drug.
Disgusting.
We just went through the most horrific experience I have ever witnessed in my life. It was a very long in coming, hard decision in the first place to put our beloved border collie, Lola down humanly, or so we thought the process would go. She was 15 years old and had been suffering for some time now with severe arthritis and 6 months prior experienced a vestibular episode, which somewhat resembles a stroke, but in this case the dog loses all sense of balance, tilts their head excessively and circles endlessly. Her episode lasted almost 6 weeks, but she improved enough to continue a somewhat normal life. She needed help with stairs to go outside, but we were more than willing to oblige. It wasn’t until a week ago that we began noticing her pushing her head into hard surfaces when we realized that the time has now come to let her go…..to free her of her failing body. We wanted only the best for her, didn’t want her afraid in a cold veterinarian office. Wanted her as comfortable and pain free as possible, so we opted for an in home vet to come out for the procedure.
I will never forget the fear in her eyes and the sound her frail mouth made as she was snapping at the air, trying to reach the injection site on her hind quarters where the vet administered the sedative to relax her. I’ve never had that happen before in any previous pets we’ve had to let go. After a few minutes she finally gave in to the sedation and fell asleep. After another 5 minutes he asked if we were ready to finally let her go, we nodded yes, and he began looking for a vein to administer the lethal injection. He couldn’t find a vein, or if he could it rolled. He must have jabbed her 40 times in the first leg before moving to the second leg. Same results, on to legs three and four. Still can’t find a vein to get the injection in. Now she is bleeding from all four now shaved legs and he starts injecting this blue liquid into what he says is a vein finally. After a few minutes she is still breathing and he gets a second vial. The jabbing begins again, to no avail. He injects this vial, and then a third and fourth vial. She is still with us. He now begins injecting directly into her veins with a huge needle and it still does nothing. He has to flip her over to get to her left side. All of us with her witnessing this are now sobbing and in complete shock at what is happening in front of our eyes. One would think it couldn’t get any worse, but yes, it did. He is now at this point trying to tell me he is looking for a vein in her chest, when in actuality he is injecting directly into her heart. Again it took two injection and at this point I lost track of how many jabs it took him to hit her heart. She finally took her last breath nearly one hour after this all began. What was supposed to be a peaceful goodbye turned into one of the most horrific torture scenes I could imagine. He now asks us how we want him to pick up her body. Do we want her in a blanket or just in a plastic bag….I will never forgive myself for making this decision. Lola deserved better, and so did the rest of my family who were witnessing this.
So horrific!! :'( :'( So sorry!!!
I had my beautiful Siamese cat put to sleep last friday and I ve lost so much faith in the vets that i gave ownership to my best friend whom uses pdsa..and she was treated with kindness.
Isn’t it sad that we have to go to such extremes to get a better treatment for our beloved pets from vets whom actually charge the Earth .
When a move to a new area necessitates a vet change, people and animals are vulnerable. I had a ghastly experience once when my beloved dog went downhill very fast from spinal myelopathy. When the vet told me that they `no longer have the good drugs they used to have for euthanasia’ (barbiturates), I thought the law must have changed, as it can be a long time between euthanasias. The injection to stop his heart caused suffering, undeniably, and was vastly different from any euthanasia that I had ever witnessed. Always in the past a barbiturate euthanasia had very much seemed like going to sleep.
The next euthanasia occurred probably 6-8 years later, with a different vet, and was totally normal. I came to believe that this man had either lost his ability to have access to abusable drugs due to problems, or was himself using the abusable drugs he should have used on the patient. Both options are bad, and he had retired by the time the next euthanasia came about and I was able to connect the dots.
It can be hard to ask questions when one is under pressure from one’s emotions and our animal’s suffering, but we have to be reasonably assertive. If something seems off, even with people like vets, or other generally trustworthy people, we should listen to our instincts.
My current vet does not do the tranquilize to say goodbye, 2 shot process. Her practice is that owners should say goodbye before the appointment. This makes sense to me, because vets are busy, euthanasia is stressful for vets and their staff, and because getting into the vein can be challenging when animals are old or debilitated due to low blood pressure, etc. so it makes sense to do it only once.
omg, this has happened to two of my cats now! i thought the first one was a fluke but i just put my beloved boy down last night and this is exactly what happened. the in home vet said he wld just get drowsy and go to sleep. that is NOT what happened! i feel HORRIBLE and he did not pass away PEACEFULLY which was my biggest fear and i told the “vet” (sarcastic quotes) this. i worked for a vet 30 years ago and NONE of the euthanasias went like this. why the hell did they change it and why is this being used?! i just want to pommel these people who think this is acceptable! i am so sorry to hear other ppl have had the same experience. please please please, tell me what can be done to change this??
Ask what drug/procedure is being used prior to the appointment. If any drug other than barbiturate is being used, I would ask myself why, and do some on line research.
It’s really sad to read all these horrific stories of people’s fur babies. 😥
I had to put my 17 year old Ollie down last December 14th. My 16 year old Piper will be going one of these days too, I’m afraid.
Last year when I took Ollie in, everyone was so kind and compassionate. I have the best vet in the world…she gave Ollie the sedative, I was holding him and then about 5 minutes later gave him the next one and he just closed his eyes, had about 4 breaths in rapid succession and then was gone. 😥
I think that’s how it’s supposed to be. I had never taken an animal to get euthanized before.
I am so sorry for all of you that had to go through such a traumatic experience with your pet.
When my sister took her little guy to be put down, after the vet gave him the final needle she said “oh! he’s a little fighter!” Nobody needs to hear that either! 😡
I hope everyone’s fur babies have made it safely to the Rainbow Bridge and we will all see them again someday.
We had our beloved 19 year old cat put to sleep at home last night. It was a really difficult decision to come to and I nearly changed my mind when the vet turned up. After a long discussion about it we decided to go ahead. If I could go back in time I would. She gave him the first sedation and said it should work in around 10mins, it didn’t. Like everyone says he jumped, tried to bite me and jumped out of my arms. He then sat by his water bowl staring at us. He was fighting for his life. She tried to say it was really unusual for a cat to react like this but from reading everything I find it’s very common. What is this drug they are using???? The vets I used only specialise in euthanasia so how could they get it so wrong. He had to have three large shots. I feel like I’ve murdered him. He was the sweetest boy and we have made him suffer beyond all belief in his last moments. How can these vets get away with this???
I had the same horrifying experience of an extreme reaction to the sedative just 2 days ago with our beloved cat. I can’t sleep thinking about how he must have suffered. I have been present during the euthanasia of numerous pets and it has always been a peaceful thing. The vet said she’d never seen a reaction like that before, but obviously this is not an anomaly.