Not one but two friends said goodbye to their beloved senior dogs in the past week. I read their tributes to their beautiful dogs and looked through all the photos of the good times they had together, and wiped copious tears away. These deaths make me hyperconscious of the limited time that I have left with my senior dog, Otto.
If he makes it to November, he’ll be 15 years old. His back legs are getting weaker, and though he can still jump into my car (it’s low, and he jumps onto the floor of the back seat, then climbs onto the seat), he sometimes catches a toe when he goes up the two stairs leading to our back deck and then two more that lead to the kitchen door and his back end collapses for a moment. I try not to fuss when I help him up; he always looks embarrassed when this happens.
He doesn’t trot much anymore; his gaits include a fairly gimpy walk and a sort of swinging lope that he uses as a replacement for his formerly jaunty trot – but he also still roars at the sight of any United States postal vehicles and races to and then down the fence line to chase said vehicles out of sight. He can’t resist! But he pays a price for this after the adrenaline wears off; he retires to his sandbox and naps deeply in the cool sand afterward.
He has always been good about being groomed, but he loves being brushed now – even with a Furminator, which I have to use to try to get rid of his still-shedding thick winter coat. But I have to be careful as I brush his sides and flanks, as he has countless egg-shaped lipomas of various sizes now. They don’t cause any pain, but it can’t be good to put any sort of pressure on them!
For almost a year now, he exhibits signs of dementia at night. He pants and paces and seems confused and anxious. A few months ago, at the suggestion of his team of vets, in addition to his arthritis med and gabapentin, we tried a prescription medicine for dementia. Within days, he had fountaining diarrhea, and we had to stop the dementia medicine. Following that, even though I bathed his nether end again and again, he started over-grooming the underside of his tail, where the liquid poop had gotten on it. He caused a nasty little lick granuloma, which required shaving the underside of his tail several times before it finally healed up, weeks later. I know it’s silly and not important, but it makes me so sad to see the skinny section of his now threadbare tail, which is usually a glorious flag, curving up and gently waving high in good spirits.
Until this past year, he’s always had nice breath and clean teeth. He was well past middle age when he needed his first dental, and he’s had several since then – but now, no vet wants to put him under anesthesia for a thorough dental, so his teeth are getting a little cruddy and his breath isn’t as fresh as it used to be. Fortunately, he’s good about tolerating brushing. We’re trying to hold the line!
He’s gotten ridiculous about food, hungrily and openly begging for whatever treats he thinks someone might give him, and lurking in the kitchen when we’re cooking. He no longer bothers to “sit” or “down” on cue, but stands, tail wagging and open-mouthed in anticipation when I’m giving cues to the other dogs. He knows he gets treats whenever the other dogs get treats, no “work” is required anymore.
But turn about is fair play; the other dogs have learned his medication schedule. Any time I get the can of wet food out of the refrigerator, they will jump up out of a deep sleep or game of tug to come and sit politely. They know that after I hide Otto’s meds in a “meatball” of pâté and he has taken the meatball from my hand, I will feed them a tiny bit of the tasty food as well.
I thank goodness that 7-month-old Boone doesn’t have high exercise needs. When Woody was his age, I used to have to take daily (sometimes twice daily) long, off-leash walks in our local wildlife area in order to keep him from jumping out of his skin. If we take Otto along, we can’t go very far before he’s tired – and I can’t bear his sad, uncomprehending stare if he doesn’t get to leave the house with me and the other dogs. I try to make it up to Boone with more play on the lawn and more hide-and-seek around the property. Happily, like many “youngest children,” he’s great about entertaining himself by chewing and tugging on our grandson’s swing (we have to make a new seat!) and playing tug all by himself with the leather leash we use to retrieve our grandson’s zip line (watch him do it here!).
It will be wonderful to get a good, full night’s sleep again someday, and to take long, guilt-free hikes with Woody and Boone – but I’m not in a rush. I keep trying to memorize the sweet hayfield aroma of Otto’s thick ruff and the feel of the one silky patch of hair he has on the very top of his head, right between his distinctive half-folded, tufted ears. Though my friends’ tributes to their beloved dogs make my heart hurt, I’m trying not to pre-grieve my vibrant, joyous, mischievous Otto of the past. I’m making every effort to just be here now with my beloved dog, one slightly stinky breath at a time.
Thank you for the info as I have an aging dog and it’s tough to think of her passing.
Oh Nancy, I am pre-grieving the loss of Otto too. I remember your first posts and photos of him as an adorably goofy looking pup, and have avidly followed everything you have written about him in all the years since. It feels like he is one of the dogs in my own pack, and I know, like many other readers, I will feel a personal sense of loss when passes. Your posts about him encapsulate all the feelings involved with loving and being loved by a dog over the full span of his or her life; the joys, laughter, fears, wonder, frustrations, and the inevitable aching pain and grief. Thank you for sharing Otto with all of us, and please give him a “free” treat from me!
Your ode to Otto has me tearing up…..your story is my current story, too. My Grace will be 15 by the end of this year. She was such an athlete in her prime….and it is heartbreaking for me to see her physically deteriorating. I do the similar things with her meds and walking my dogs as you do. It’s hard, but I wouldn’t trade a minute of it. I cherish every moment with her and spoil her rotten.
I can relate to so much of this. I let my 15 year old Texas go 5 days ago. He too had developed dementia symptoms on top of his blindness and deafness. After reading your description of the fountaining diarrhea, I an happy I chose not to try the same medication. We had a vet come to the house, we played music, had flowers, a candle and a sweet little alter with some of his favorite things. He was so tired, he went quickly and peacefully. I carried his heavy, limp body to the car and tucked him in. He was the last of 3 boys, I have lost one a year for 3 years. They brought so much love. It was an honor to care for them beginning to end.
When I read about so many dogs dying young I realise what a privilege it is to have an oldie. My 15 year old is dropping weight rapidly so we know there is probably cancer somewhere. Right now she is enjoying life, can’t walk so far so we have a buggy, that even handles woodland, so maybe worth thinking of for Otto. She is very independent so I didn’t think she’d like it but turns out she thinks she is royalty🤣. Time is limited so we make the most of every day
Hi, Liz. Where did you get the buggy that handles the woods?
Such a loving “pre-tribute.” My Bernese Mountain Dog is 9.5, meaning she has already outlived the average for her breed. She’s still active, but arthritis has slowed us a little. In quiet moments I can’t help but pre-grieve a little.
Oh Nancy…we must take and savor the love one day at a precious time no? My love Lali is beside me. In 2020 we were separated for far too long a time that I think took a toll on us both when I nearly died…I was and remain caregiving for my elder parents with whom we live. Dad turned 105 in May and is still active and increasingly demanding because mom who did it all is going on 100 and since last June has been in hospice care here at home. While I worked remotely in 2021, I also felt the strain between all directions and retired a bit sooner than I anticipated last December. Mom is in a hospital bed and incontinent though the hospice folks help with those issues…but a month or two ago now, my love who can get in the car and loves to go if I give her a boost up, began to have issues with steps in our split level home. She can on her home go up 5 or 6 tiled steps from the lower level to the main, but the carpeted (and open) steps from the main to the bedroom put her off for some reason. So I boost her up and we make it. She has also been having some accidents which I handle with no problem…but the eldest among us…well he has issues with waste from anyone. Does not even stay in the same room as his wife. So I am on guard dare my cutie have an accident in front of him. We had a real poo problem–not liquid but close after taking our former vet’s advice to try Cosequin. The bottle suggested 2 tablets to start. When the poo issue developed I stopped it and we still are having an issue though it appears to be improving if not slowly. To make matters worse I realized a mobile vet would be an answer and someone on NExt door got great reviews…but in spite of living within 10 minutes of us, this person had no empathy for my circumstances and refused us with the excuse of having so much business from Covid. Our vet we have a relationship with of sorts is on the other side of town and I am afraid of exposing myself to the stress I would have going to an appt as that impacts my health…my near death experience was due to a dissected aorta which they suspect was caused by stress, caregiving the elders etc. I’m afraid of who would be there for my cutie and get her home god forbid something happened to me on the other side of town. We have no family to help, and she can be a bit reactive/protective in our car…Her nails need tending to so badly, she looks neglected and she is truly not. She has a bare tail mostly as well, from biting due to itching due to a bout of fleas (our first) last fall. No one I called dealt with fleas or would require the use of such toxic materials that the house would have to be vacated for hours and with mom in a hospital bed and my not wanting any toxic stuff in our space for any of us, we resorted to vacuuming, laundering, bathing and flea traps, and between that and the winter cold we got rid of them…There yes, is a vet closer. He is an arrogant SOB who proclaimed my beloved pup who has since passed a number of years back had a brain tumor when she began having seizures. HE put all of us through hell until we found a wonderful vet. She had an insulinoma and we had much more time together. He has recently retired and sold out to a corporation which seems to be a new trend. They too were not taking on new patients…the remaining vets I had heard some decent things about…well, you know you and WDJ have taught me all about titer testing which I have done from the beginning. They would require a rabies vax and stood firm on that, and for us that was a deal breaker as you can imagine. I have never been so discouraged and angry both at the way vet medicine is these days. Our original practice was also on the other side of town, which was no issue to begin with. It was a wonderful practice for the most part. The elder founding vet eventually sold out TO BANFIELD! SO we would no longer go there. OUr vet in that practice had left prior to teach in VA and he suggested this one we currently patronize. Anyhow, I am trying to file her nails myself. She’s no more difficult than my mother LOL. Many hugs, many treats….with love and appreciation….PS…our wonderful vet we had prior, she retired when she became pregnant and had the baby who is now a graduate of Michigan and on his way to Dartmouth. She didn’t feel she could be a good vet and good mom both….I keep praying she will go back to practicing again…her friend we had seen as well and she retired. I checked in with her to see if she knew of anyone, and so far she has not found someone who meets her own standards which are pretty basic as well.
WOW, I must say you have been though a lot. God bless you and may the Lord continue to help you though it.
So, I puzzled buy mini who do not think about using laser therapy to improve their dogs walking. Laser therapy is an incredible product to be used on both humans and dogs. Another alternative would be a homeopath for the arthritis.
Nancy why haven’t you tried laser therapy on Otto? I’m just a little stunned that nobody has mentioned laser therapy. I bought my own in 2020 for two reasons. First it works really good on myself I’m a polio survivor. Second it works really good on my golden retriever who is only eight years old, but he had myasthenia gravis [MG] & mega-esophagus [ME}. He suffers from lower back in problems from time to time. So what do I do I use the laser therapy on it and it works great.
I was taking my senior dog for laser therapy and it seemed to be effective. But, she hated going to the vet’s office for it and she would practically have to be dragged in. I didn’t want to stress her out anymore, so we stopped going. Where do I get a laser therapy product for home use?
Dremel makes a tool for doing pet nails. You can train your dog with treats in small increments to tolerate having their nails filed with the Dremel instead of being clipped. Some dogs who don’t like the clippers are OK with the dremel. Just remember to read all of the directions and the comments. Keep it on lowest speed and use the setting from the comments, not from the printed directions. I marked mine with a dot of red nail polish to remember.
Our beloved Mac, a miniature pinscher, crossed the bridge two years ago. It was 18 months before we got another dog. We didn’t want to “replace” him! Poor little Izzy (mini bernedoodle) has big shoes to fill, though. She’s totally different than Mac was, and that’s good. There will never be another Mac.
We are enjoying training Izzy and at nine months, she’s starting to settle down a bit. I’m almost 70 now, so settling down is kind of important to me. I can’t keep up with her shenanigans! When I take her for walks, I still feel Mac’s gentle breath on my ankle and still see the depth of love in the pool of chocolate that was his eyes. But I also see the laugh and joié de vivre in Izzy’s dancing ones. They would have liked each other. Someday, they will.
I love your description of his eyes as chocolate pools. My service dog, Narnia, is a Golden Ŕetriever with deep brown eyes that shine with her sweet soul. We celebrated her 10th birthday two weeks ago. With each passing year I wonder how long she’ll be with me, and, at 70, which one of us will cross the bridge first. She’s my angel and always will be.
I always read and appreciate your columns about life with all of your dogs. Your ode to Otto is especially impactful for me because we have focused our rescue efforts on older big dogs for some time now. While their passing is inevitable, like you we concentrate on enjoying them while we have them. And giving them the best possible life….and the best possible death. We help them complete their circle of life with dignity and minimal pain or suffering. We grieve. And we rescue another one. Because there are always good dogs looking for good homes. And focusing our attention on our new rescue helps all of us. Thank you for sharing your very relatable experience.
I have been through the same problems, sadnesses as you and all the other writers. I lost three dogs in the past year. My 12yo shih tzu, Buckwheat, had pancreatic cancer. When the symptoms showed he went quickly. He came to me from another room and died in my lap. Maggie had lung cancer and was 13 when she left me. Ginger died of renal failure at 14. Charlie, at 13, is still with me. I knew when I had four dogs around the same age that I would lose them close together. I have added 9yo Zoe, a shih tzu, to my home. The pain is great but the love is worth every bit of it. I miss all the dogs I have lost over the years. But I love the ones I am with. Nancy, thank you for this blog and all your blogs. As another comment noted, I too remember when Otto was a puppy. How time goes by.