This is a guest blog post that touched us deeply. Its author, Jenny Efimova, KPA CTP, is the founder and owner of Dogminded. Efimova offers private dog training in and around Boston, Massachusetts, as well as virtual training for puppies and dogs and their humans. One of her mottoes: “How we teach dogs matters as much as what we teach them.”
Yesterday I shared a few stories on my Instagram page about the false belief that showing our dogs affection and allowing them on the couch or bed may cause behavior problems, including separation anxiety. Since then I’ve received *dozens* of messages from people expressing relief and gratitude and sharing how guilty they have been made to feel for treating their dogs with basic compassion and kindness.
This is heartbreaking and I want to reiterate a few things: One, dogs are social animals who have uniquely evolved to live with and alongside us. Social contact is a *basic need*. They seek comfy places next to their humans for no other reason than that they like comfy places next to their humans.
Not allowing your dog on furniture, ignoring your dog, or rationing how you show your dog affection does not provide “structure” or help resolve behavior issues. This is magical thinking, something that we compensate with when we lack adequate education and skillset to address behavior issues with science and evidence-based interventions. And in the year 2020 it does not have a legitimate place in the world of dog training and behavior.
It’s also abject cruelty and ignorance to advise people to withhold attention, affection, and comfort from their dogs who are already suffering. Separation anxiety, for one, is a disorder not something that results from too many cuddles or access to the couch.
Blaming people for their dogs’ behavior problems they did nothing to cause is especially egregious and has to stop. People don’t deserve to carry this guilt, nor should they be made to shun their dogs and treat them in ways that are contrary to the very reasons we bring dogs into our lives.
Dog training is an unregulated industry and the information you find is not created equal. So please beware of advice from self-proclaimed experts on social media, vet your sources, and follow your instincts when something feels wrong.
I’ve been there and if you have too, you know exactly the feeling I’m talking about. It’s the sense of moving through your own discomfort because a “professional” told you so. I know we can do better than this. Our dogs deserve better.
Jenny Efimova can be reached through her business website: https://www.dogmindedboston.com/
How you can treat arthritis in a dog
The only reason Diana pawPrints is not allowed on the bed is for her own health. Both Caesar and Ramses were allowed on the bed and in their senior years they both had back problems. Ramses so severe he had to be on pain meds. It was only after an x-ray that I discovered how much pain he must have been in. Arthritis in four vertebrae and almost no discs left. And only after he died did it occur to me that it must have been from 10 years of jumping OFF the bed. Caesar also had back problems but in a different spot and not so severe. So until I can build a ramp, Diana is not allowed on the bed. Then she will be taught to use the ramp to get on and off. Even though she is a big girl, 100 lbs, I do not want 10 years of that jolt of hitting the floor to injure her discs. She doesn’t like to jump anyway, which is why she does nosework and not agility.
We get our cuddle time out in the garden. When I’m on my garden seat doing whatever, she will just come and stand right in front of me and lean in. Whenever she feels like getting some love. And I let her do it. And she knows it.
I love cuddling with my dog on the couch would not have it any other way. But I have talked him there is time and place for it when I have to work I have to work. He learned very quickly.
I find this article rather illogical
Affection can be shown in many ways, as can love and caring.
It does NOT equate to sharing bed. I love my children and never shared a bed with them. This was not lake to lack of affection either, rather the best arrangement for us all to get our best nights’ sleep.
Neither is allowing dogs on the human’s furniture necessarily a sign of affection, nor is not allowing on the furniture sign of lack of affection.
The dogs have their own beds as well as favourite resting/sleeping places, in summer they prefer the kitchen tiles In winter they have a choice of cosy crates outside, because they sleep outside.
That is their ‘job’ — burglar alarms and prevention. They do not share crates with each other either.
This is the ideal solution because none of the dogs are happy to be in bed all night, and as well we no longer have to get up in the middle of the night to let them out to toilet, then wait for them to decide to come back in.
As for being on or furniture – the stuff we use is too small from them.
Personally I see the Laissez-faire way of keeping dog as lack of care! Both dogs and children need to learn to behave responsibly and to behave well in public.
We CAN, and many of us do train, with great affection.
Ps Open crates on our extensive veranda.
Also the cat is not allowed in any bedroom — she’s supposed to be keeping the Kitchen part of th4ehouse Rat-free 🙂
I mostly agree with you BUT not with putting a “house dog” outside at night. I have owned protection trained dogs for more than 25 years and they alert and protect very nicely from inside our home. It’s unkind to put any dog who is acclimatized to the indoor temperature, to abruptly be forced to try to adjust to a significant drop in temperature. Oh sure, they may survive but probably lie there all night shivering in their “cozy” outdoor crate.
Any house dog in cold weather should only go out to potty and for short brisk walks. Dogs that are 100% outdoor dogs should be provided with an insulated doghouse and abundant dry bedding.
My husband doesn’t like animals on the furniture so I respect that. Our dogs get love, affection, high quality food, walks every day, training (they love training, they are Labs), regular vet care, social interaction and more. They aren’t allowed on our bed but I have been known to snuggle with them on their beds. ;o)
Our little chihuahua Lucy came to us after our cat who was the “top dog” had the full range of my bed and Lucy slept downstairs with my son, not too long ago we lost our beloved cat to old age and Lucy suddenly realised she no longer had to lookout for the cat and immediately took over my bed she snuggles under her blankets all night right next to me
my son is so peed off because she abandoned him for me..! LOL
We raise our GSD since 8 weeks old and he’s been our “baby”. As we’re in the fall/winter season, we tuck him in with a blanket on his own bed/couch in our bedroom ’cause he doesn’t care dog bed even he has one. He prefers couch or sofas just like the rest of us. It’s a great feeling snuggling next to our doggie on the couch by the fire and we all enjoy the attention we get! 🙂