My father, a nonconformist from his youth to his death, frequently used to say, “Everyone has their own reality.” Since his reality was augmented by his daily intake of a certain leafy herb, I used to take the grammar and the sentiment with a grain of salt. But the older I get, the more I appreciate what he meant – even without herbal assistance.
For example, sometimes when I see a dog trotting alongside a road in my rural part of northern California, I can tell that wandering is routine to that dog – he’s not lost, he hasn’t been abandoned; he’s out doing his usual rounds. Whereas the friend sitting in the passenger seat of my car, seeing the same dog, will probably say, “Stop! We should help that dog!” She sees him as in need of immediate assistance. We’re experiencing the same visual input, but our realities are completely different. Which one of us is right? Which one is seeing things the way they really are? (Well, sometimes it’s obvious that a dog is lost and in need of assistance, and I’ve rescued more than a few of them!)
There’s a similar effect at work when one of my dogs is curled up on top of a nest he’s made of all the throw pillows and blankets on my sofa. This vision will make me coo; I am happy that my dog looks so happy and comfortable. I see a secure, happy dog. The same sight will raise my husband’s blood pressure. He’ll likely roll his eyes and say, “Get off the couch! We’ve got dog beds in every room for that!” He sees a dog who is spoiled and opportunistic. (Full disclosure: My dogs are welcome on the couch, and they know that most of the time, they can ignore my husband’s directives. We have negotiated this agreement over the 25 years we’ve been married.)
Here’s another situation where the objective truth is hard to determine. Once many years ago, I had the opportunity to attend the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show at Madison Square Garden in New York City. Whereas many people saw fabulously well cared-for dogs with fantastic shiny coats, I saw unhappy, stressed, shut-down dogs. The area where the dogs were kept and prepared for the show rings was so hot, loud, and crowded, I started feeling like I was going to have a panic attack. I left the show after just an hour or two and changed my flight home to that evening, instead of the next day as previously planned. I am still haunted by the overwhelming impression of hopeless resignation I had from the dogs I saw there.
What about the dogs who accompany unhoused people? Some might feel sorry for them, having to spend their lives wandering the streets, sleeping in rough situations, and subsisting on a diet of whatever their owners are eating. But others may see dogs who are seemingly completely content to be with their owners 24/7, unfazed by anything and everything happening in their environment. They get plenty of fresh air and exercise and tons of attention from their people; there are plenty of family dogs who aren’t so lucky!
Here’s a classic “different realities” scenario: I see my sister’s little dogs as fat – hideously obese, even. She sees them as happy!
In this case, at least, I think we both have a fairly good grasp on reality!
What canine encounter have you seen very differently from others around you?
Thanks for standing up for pitbulls. I’ve two bully breed mixes (a male American Staffordshire/ boxer mix and a female pitbull/ Dalmatian mix, I think). The male had severe separation anxiety issues and had to kenneled whenever my ex- went to work, until we started living together and his dog stayed home happily in a crate on the opposite of the sofa from the crate where my two dogs stayed when no humans were home. Max, the AmStaff mix just needed to know he wasn’t alone. At dog parks, he was a true gentleman unless some foolish dog tried to dominate him. I once watched him seem to submit when a Golden that was bigger than him placed a paw on his back. When the Golden walked away, Max launched a sneak attack! Luckily, the two dogs were easily separated and no one (canine or human) got hurt. But it taught me a lesson about Max’s truly “Alpha” personality. On the other hand, my ex- and I met at a dog park when my female pitbull/ Dalmatian mix spotted Max on the opposite side of a dog park we’d just entered. She immediately charged across the park and jumped on his back. I heard my ex-, who was standing nearby, say “Uh oh!” Then to the surprise of us both, when his dog turned around and saw my bitch on his back, he wiggled his tail stump happily and the two took off playing tag together. They stayed besties from then on, much to the distress of male Dalmatian/ pointer who’d previously had a “little brother” relationship with the older, taller bitch. When my ex- and I started living together, the Dal/ pointer definitely showed jealousy toward Max, with whom Chloë preferred to roughhouse and who was too Alpha for the Dal/ pointer to directly challenge. One day, I was across the hall in my home office and heard a yelp in the master bedroom. When I went to check on the two male dogs, they appeared to be lounging there peacefully. Later on, though, I noticed Max was missing a big chunk of fur and flesh! The wound required stitches, but after the initial yelp stolid Max hadn’t made a sound. Knowing their personality differences, I assume the Dal/pointer had taken his “pound of flesh” while Max was napping. Strangely enough, there was no follow up to this incident as far as I could see. Max stayed the house Alpha male and preferred playmate of Chloë. When my ex- and I eventually separated after 5 or 6 years, the Dal/pointer resumed his exclusive relationship with Chloë, who nursed him with a maternal protectiveness when he was recovering from surgery for a foxtail that had migrated from one of his ears to a lung.
Mike Gordon: I love pitbulls and had the honor to be a foster failure of one. They are the most goofiest, mouthy and happy souls. People are what cause the problem, not every pitbull is bad.
I’m happy homeless people have their pets. As long as those dogs are taken care of and not being abused, why not? More dogs are being euthanized due to backyard breeders and people trying to create their own mix. If I see an anxious, unhappy dog, then I feel anxious. If I see a situation I speak up. I don’t know why it affects me the way it does because it feels like a curse. Nancy, I believe you’re an empath like I am. It’s a blessing and heartbreaking.
Those defending dog shows may not realize that Westminster is a benched show, where all dogs are required to be on display on assigned benches during the entire show, excepting only the time they’re being shown in the ring. I can’t imagine any dog would enjoy that experience. Fortunately, there are only a handful of benched shows left each year in the U.S.