Just a super-short post today: My family is mourning the sudden loss of my sister’s husband, Dean. Yes, this is the family with three noisy little dogs, who have been Otto’s go-to dog-sitters since they moved to my town about five years ago. Otto loved and is going to miss his time on the sofa with Dean, enjoying hours of TV-watching and distracted petting.
Our hearts break for Dean’s loss, but our grief is nothing compared to my sister’s. She and Dean were a match, 28 years married (no kids) and still passionate about each other.
While all three of her dogs are barky and I find two of them to be whiny and neurotic, always clinging to my sister’s skirts, at the moment, I am just so thankful for their clinginess. She needs all the love (and even the distraction of barking) that they have to offer right now. She reports that they are all very lost, looking for their Dad, and in their confusion, are spending all their time underfoot or, when in bed, under the covers with her. She can’t even roll over without moving their little bodies first; they all want to be touching her right now.
I never anticipated saying this, but at the moment I am grateful that they are so demanding. They BARK when they want food and BARK for play and BARK to go for a walk. These demands will help my sister get out of bed and get outside. I hope she will eat when she feeds them. That’s enough to expect for now.
I spent days at the hospital with Dean and was with him when he passed. When I got home, I needed (and a week later, continue to need) to spend long moments with my face buried in Otto’s grass-scented, scruffy mane, feeling his tail gently wagging. And when yet another kind comment on Dean’s death announcement online makes me start crying again, Woody always seems to notice and gets up to shove his nose under my elbow, insistent with concern.
I don’t know what any of us would do without dog love.
I had cancer last October but early stages and only two days in hospital.Kind neighbors took “Che” my Havanese wonder dog who acted upon my return as if I’d been gone months. The recovery was 4 months and he would not let me out of his sight. The fellow dog owners came and took him out for walks but had to drag him away. He is the reason I was determined to recover so quickly and he sensed when I was getting better and he let me go into the toilet alone. He was and is the light at the end of the tunnel and I owe him my life in that I could not give into self-pity and had to keep exercising and eating to get strong again. He is five now and I am eighty and if things go as planned he will be fifteen and I will be ninety when we go paw in hand to the next place.
So sorry Nancy, and please tell your sister also. My dogs have always known immediately when I am sad, or deeply bothered by something. They always offered comfort.
Letting a spouse and your bother in law go is very painful. Please accept my deepest sympathy for your sister and for you and the family. If I even tear up, Callie knows it and zeros in on me. I can’t imagine being without a dog for comfort.
Deeply sorry for your and your family’s loss. Deeply grateful that dogs are there to help you through. I believe they are direct conduits of God’s love.
What a sad story for you all. I have recently benefitted from Eagala Therapy. http://www.Eagala.org and you can have an Eagala Learning session with horses. The help has been stunning for all kinds of loss. Military veterans are responding and I have had a lift in my chronic PTSD symptoms rather dramatically. Worth checking into, in my view.
Unfortuanately, my senior dog Bruiser needs to be “put to sleep” tomorrow, as he has congestive heart failure and a DOUBLE SIZED HEART from loving me so thoroughly. Blessings to each of us as we give and receive love to and from our fur babies.
Very sorry for the loss your family is going through. In one moment one marvels with the symbiosis between humans and dogs. “How can they know?” I always respond, “How can they not?”
Our dogs are family, sometimes closer than family. They can feel the ups and downs, any changes, our moods and so sadly, loss. My father passed away a couple of years ago. He had loved all our dogs. They could do no wrong in his book! My GSD Gracie was the last he would enjoy. She was a rambunctious girl, still young, but knew to dial it down around my father. When we’d visit my parents, Gracie would sit beside my dad and stay there. We had to put her out in the yard when my dad’s helper would come every day. Gracie would get very anxious, whining and putting herself inbetween the helper and my dad.
When he passed, me and Gracie stayed with my mum to support her. Gracie took up her position beside my mother. She is a ‘presser.’ She will sit you and press to comfort. She just knows what to do.
I never want to face anything without my dog beside me. I hope I never will.
Dogs watch and they know things. It is likely their close ties to humans and long history with us allows them to be there and know just what to do. We know dogs read our body language and micro facial expressions. You may think they are clingy for themselves but I like to believe they are clingy because that is what Pam needs right now. And yes, they bark when they are hungry but considering the internal canine clock, I suspect they were fed when the family sat down to dinner so hopefully Pam will eat with them. Doggy dinner bells if you will.
My sister’s husband died suddenly in his sleep a little over a year ago. She has two grown sons living with her but they had adopted a dog just a few months before. It was her husband’s idea. Perhaps coincidence but perhaps serendipity that she would have a dog after he passed. She wasn’t much of a dog person with their three previous dogs. She’s more a guinea pig person. But with this dog, she has taken it to training and has said that after she sells the house and moves to a smaller house she is taking the dog with her. And only the dog. The “boys” will be on their own. I don’t know if she is letting the dog sleep in the bed with her but I wouldn’t be surprised.
My dogs have always slept with me. That is why when one passes the house is so cold and empty. When Ramses died I adopted Diana pawPrints within a month. I couldn’t take the silence any more. Dogs are wonderful, magical beings. I’m sure Pam’s dogs are stepping up and being what she needs them to be. What might have been clingy before is reassurance and comfort now. What may have been annoying and demanding barking previously is now a reminder to eat and encouragement to move, get outside and walk around a bit.
I am so grateful for the undeserving love of dogs.
Prayers and hugs. I’m so sorry for your and your sister’s loss. Hugs to the furkids.
All of us who read your words every week about our dogster angels know how fortunate Dean was to have you with him in his last days here. And know that you will take great care with your sister. You – and both of your dogs – will help her deep grief begin to smile. Support and love to you all.
Nancy – I am so terribly sad to hear of the loss of your Brother-in-Law. My husband too died suddenly last September with both myself and our Corgi right there with him. We knew he was failing fast but thought we had more time. It’s devastating for all who knew and loved Dean as well, and having to go through notifying everyone is very hard. Perhaps she could ask you or other family members to do part of the notifying to people less close to them, and the different agency’s like Social Security (who is Medicare’s boss and will notify Medicare for you. Even if neither of them were getting SS – it’s one of the first places that needs to know. Actually the funeral home or wherever he went does that notification for you. Thank goodness she has the dogs around her!! Having gone through this recently and still being in probate, if there are any questions I can help with, please don’t hesitate to email me. Even though you are in a different state, so much of the process is the same, and under Covid – so many offices are closed that you do E-filings to the court – with or without the help of Probate attorneys. I’m sorry for how cut and dried this sounds in the face of her (and your) loss. It’s one of the hardest things about death – that so much needs to be done at the worst time of your life. Prayers and love for your sister and her family!!!