Say you are in a grocery store with your best friend and her child, and you both see the child take something, perhaps a candy bar, and start eating it. You look at your friend to see if she’s going to say anything to her child, but she just shrugs. Then you notice that another shopper has also seen this, and that person glares at you, as if to say, “Well, aren’t you going to do something about this?” You smile and shrug helplessly, and the best you can say is, “It’s not my kid!”
Well, that was me. But it was at a park where a bunch of dogs were playing off-leash, in spite of the signs ringing the park that indicated dogs were supposed to be on leash. I was walking with a friend and her dog toward the middle of the park, toward the swirl of off-leash dogs, and across a narrow zone of people walking their dogs ON-leash and across a busy bike path. Each time my friend’s dog ran right up to a leashed dog (and of course, the humans at the other end of the leash), I would look back at my friend, who always seemed to be doing something else – looking through her pockets, looking at her phone – I don’t know WHAT she was doing!
I whistled for my friend’s dog a couple of times, and he came back to me once. But when he ran up to an older person who was walking a little West Highland White Terrier and who looked up and glared at me as his walk was interrupted by the two dogs greeting, all I could come up with at the moment was “I’m sorry, it’s not my dog!” There was no growling or aggression, but I was so uncomfortable! This isn’t how I would manage my own dogs!
And by the time two people on a tandem bike had to come to a complete halt to make sure they weren’t going to hit my friend’s dog, who was trotting along on a diagonal on the bike path, and they couldn’t easily ascertain which way he was going to go, my nerves were fried.
I think we can all agree that allowing your dog to run up to other people, and especially people with leashed dogs, is incredibly rude and potentially dangerous. It can set back a training and counter-conditioning program of a dog whose own behavior with other dogs is reactive. I know that my friend’s dog has been attacked and bitten by an off-leash dog before. So why on earth would she let her off-leash dog run up to other leashed dogs?
After the moment with the Westie, I did say to my friend, “You know, it’s pretty rude to let your dog run up to people with a leashed dog. If their dog was totally comfortable with other dogs, they’d probably have it off-leash.” My friend’s response? “Oh, I know, but XXX (my dog) is totally good with other dogs.”
All I could say is, “Well, this is hard for me to be around…”
I’ve been thinking this ever since. I guess I’m one of those people who can never think of what to say at the time, who thinks of the perfect thing to say later. But I still haven’t thought of what I should have said and done. I know what I would have liked to say: “Hey! Put the dog on leash, or keep him with us until we are in the middle of the park with all the other off-leash dogs!” But she’s an adult and I’m not her boss.
But this morning I thought, perhaps someone else knows just what to say in this situation, or any situation where you are with a friend or relative and they do something you feel is very wrong. What’s the perfect approach to preserving your relationship, while expressing your discomfort with what your friend or relative is doing? Because simply deciding never to walk with them and their dog again feels bad, too – but that’s the best I have been able to come up with so far.
What would you do or say? What would be a tactful but educational approach to take? (Those might be two different answers!)
“I’m afraid it is rude to have your dog off- leash in this situation. Shall we go somewhere where he can be off leash?”
” This is not a an off-leash area. I Know your dog is a friendly sweet dog, but other people’s dogs might not be. They might be trying to manage their dogs behavior. It is making other people uncomfortable and I’m afraid it is making me uncomfortable as well. Would you put yours on leash for me? Next time we will find an off leash park.”
I see this in my neighborhood with a leashed dog! Totally out of control, on too long a lead, with a pet parent who can’t imagine that anyone wouldn’t love to have her dog running up to them, bouncing around, tangling leashes with other dogs, etc. Sigh. Some people just don’t get it.
I think you approach it from the direction of her dog being injured. Since you said that has already happened once, it should not be so hard for her to imagine the way things like that get started and the dangerous result of an unintended dog fight. Or maybe talk about the vet costs for a dog injured in a dog fight or a bike accident. And on top of that, she’d be liable for damages to the other dog, or the people on the bike(s). Most of us want to do what we’ve always done, or what is the easiest thing. You just need to make being on leash look like the easiest thing when all consequences are taken into account.
Yes, this is an unfortunately all too common situation and likewise, I often can’t think of the perfect response in the moment. I think tone of voice is the most important point here. If I see an unleashed dog approaching I do try and call out, in as friendly a manner as possible, “Hi there, please leash your dog”. Say it with a smile and a friendly tone and many people will try and call their dog back. Thank them if they do. If they don’t, deep breath and try to protect your dog/move him away. If the person is apologetic, I’ve tried explaining why my dog is leashed and they may just keep it in mind next time. If they’re not, keeping your calm is still going to be most effective. As a trainer, I’m trying to keep reminding myself to train the people too – reward the behaviors I want. Rules of punishment apply equally too – no point yelling and screaming if they can’t understand what they did wrong.
Forgot to mention that sweet Rose is always on a leash.
All the previous comments are great and I’ll just add a ‘last resort.’ I live with a wonderful, smart, sweet, gentle, highly reactive Airedale. I walk her late at night or far away from town. However, we have a LOT of dogs in our community and few are on leash. They can appear out of nowhere at any time. After a couple of close encounters with off leash, unsupervised dogs at 11 pm, I started carrying a canister of the citronella spray Spray Shield. I carry it to protect Rose and I carry it to protect the other dog. And I carry it EVERY time we go for a walk. Not an answer for your friend dilemma (and I have a particular neighbor just like that), but a last result protection for both dogs.
My dog barks and lunges at other dogs. I don’t think he would hurt another dog but I don’t want to find out. I have been working with a certified trainer and dog is doing well. My complaint is with people who let their on leash dogs on an extension leash cross more than half way across the street while I am obviously trying to distract my dog as trained and even once when my dog was lunging on leash. Really? What are people thinking. Most people stay on the other side of the street and keep walking but some deliberately interrupt training and put both dogs and owners at risk.
This is such a great question! I had the same
type of experience recently when a new group of acquaintances that I met in a puppy training class invited me to join them on a dog walk. One big difference is the place we went was off leash so dogs were allowed to be off leash. The other three dogs- including two rambunctious labs – ran happily down the path in a group playing with each other. My dog stuck closer to me as is my preference when we are in places shared with other people and dogs. Not everyone enjoyed being encountered by the trio racing down the path and one older couple who had to step out of the dogs’ path said something to us about having the dogs on leash to which the owner of the labs abruptly replied that there is no leash law – which is true for that area.
It bothered me a lot that the other dog owners made no effort to keep their dogs close or under any kind of verbal control when we encountered other people and dogs. Even though the dogs were allowed to be off leash I still felt it would have been more polite to others using the path to exercise a bit more
control over the dogs when we were around other people. I’m not sure I’ll join these folks again. It’s great for the dogs to have fun but not at the expense of other people and dogs.
Personally, because I have always had Dobies, I would put my dog on a leash whenever encountering people, even where they were allowed to be off-leash. I find it to be the considerate thing to do, and did not frequent dog parks. My last girl was timid & wouldn’t hurt a fly, but was attacked once by two Labs, who were off-leash. Unfortunately, consideration of others seems to have become a lost quality. So, I would explain my feelings on the subject & say that she was free to do what she wanted. But, that I could no longer be a party to this behavior because I was uncomfortable with it, and was not enjoying the experience. That puts the problem on you & not her…perhaps defusing the issue.
Honesty and truthfulness. I would have said “Hey! Put the dog on leash, or keep him with us until we are in the middle of the park with all the other off-leash dogs!”