Say you are in a grocery store with your best friend and her child, and you both see the child take something, perhaps a candy bar, and start eating it. You look at your friend to see if she’s going to say anything to her child, but she just shrugs. Then you notice that another shopper has also seen this, and that person glares at you, as if to say, “Well, aren’t you going to do something about this?” You smile and shrug helplessly, and the best you can say is, “It’s not my kid!”
Well, that was me. But it was at a park where a bunch of dogs were playing off-leash, in spite of the signs ringing the park that indicated dogs were supposed to be on leash. I was walking with a friend and her dog toward the middle of the park, toward the swirl of off-leash dogs, and across a narrow zone of people walking their dogs ON-leash and across a busy bike path. Each time my friend’s dog ran right up to a leashed dog (and of course, the humans at the other end of the leash), I would look back at my friend, who always seemed to be doing something else – looking through her pockets, looking at her phone – I don’t know WHAT she was doing!
I whistled for my friend’s dog a couple of times, and he came back to me once. But when he ran up to an older person who was walking a little West Highland White Terrier and who looked up and glared at me as his walk was interrupted by the two dogs greeting, all I could come up with at the moment was “I’m sorry, it’s not my dog!” There was no growling or aggression, but I was so uncomfortable! This isn’t how I would manage my own dogs!
And by the time two people on a tandem bike had to come to a complete halt to make sure they weren’t going to hit my friend’s dog, who was trotting along on a diagonal on the bike path, and they couldn’t easily ascertain which way he was going to go, my nerves were fried.
I think we can all agree that allowing your dog to run up to other people, and especially people with leashed dogs, is incredibly rude and potentially dangerous. It can set back a training and counter-conditioning program of a dog whose own behavior with other dogs is reactive. I know that my friend’s dog has been attacked and bitten by an off-leash dog before. So why on earth would she let her off-leash dog run up to other leashed dogs?
After the moment with the Westie, I did say to my friend, “You know, it’s pretty rude to let your dog run up to people with a leashed dog. If their dog was totally comfortable with other dogs, they’d probably have it off-leash.” My friend’s response? “Oh, I know, but XXX (my dog) is totally good with other dogs.”
All I could say is, “Well, this is hard for me to be around…”
I’ve been thinking this ever since. I guess I’m one of those people who can never think of what to say at the time, who thinks of the perfect thing to say later. But I still haven’t thought of what I should have said and done. I know what I would have liked to say: “Hey! Put the dog on leash, or keep him with us until we are in the middle of the park with all the other off-leash dogs!” But she’s an adult and I’m not her boss.
But this morning I thought, perhaps someone else knows just what to say in this situation, or any situation where you are with a friend or relative and they do something you feel is very wrong. What’s the perfect approach to preserving your relationship, while expressing your discomfort with what your friend or relative is doing? Because simply deciding never to walk with them and their dog again feels bad, too – but that’s the best I have been able to come up with so far.
What would you do or say? What would be a tactful but educational approach to take? (Those might be two different answers!)
Ok all the folks with small dogs stating your is going to get hurt by the big dog. 95% if the time the small dog is giving aggressive signals to the large dog. Size does not indicate aggression. Smaller dogs have issues because they are treated like children, held or put in strollers when they should be walking. If you are worried go to a small dog area. No dog of any size should be off leash in a leashed area. It does not matter if your dog is friendly or aggressive.
Nancy, your response in the moment was good. That your “friend” dismissed your concerns at the time is not. There are some excellent ideas in this thread. Pick one, talk to her, and then decide if you want to continue to be friends. I personally would not continue the friendship with someone who was so insensitive. But I would create a teachable moment first. We need to speak up for the voiceless. It’s uncomfortable, yes, but we all need to do it. Speak up. Let her know why it’s wrong and harmful to have her dog off leash, and that you won’t be a part of it. You could save a dog or person from harm. Best to you.
This is an issue I fight with my Dad about. He’s 91 and insists on walking his dog off leash in the neighborhood. He does it because he walked his previous dog off leash. I have told him that Dolly isn’t Candy and she will dash into the street and get hit by a car and then he’ll be devastated. I told him if Dolly dies I will never bring Diana and Freyja over and he will never see them again. But he still does it.
He claims it is because he can’t manage the leash and his scooter. But he did it before he used a scooter when he had no excuse. I think for him it is an ego thing. “Look how well-trained my dog is I can walk her off leash…”
Well, apparently he has been nodding off in the front yard and Dolly has decided when he does she will just take herself for a walk because she knows the route.
My Mom tells me Animal Control has been by more than once to talk to him about it. I guess the neighbors down the street have been reporting Dolly off leash. They know who she belongs to and she’s not doing anything except walking around without a leash or my Dad.
And still he doesn’t get it.
There are some things you just can’t fix.
I haven’t read all the responses so this may already have been said, but a very direct “Mary, would you mind putting Fido on leash until we get to the off leash area? I’m very uncomfortable with him running up to leashed dogs.” Hopefully she’d do it for you, her friend.
A friend of mine posted this on Facebook. Its source was the Complete Canine.
YOUR DOG IS NOT FRIENDLY. HE’S HARASSING OTHERS.
Let’s set the scene. This may become a bit sensitive for some, and I apologise in advance.
You’re out somewhere. You might be at a restaurant, a bar, a public park on a sunny day enjoying the sunshine with your family. It may be that you’re on your way home from work or trying to catch the bus. You’re just minding your own business.
Suddenly, a person comes straight up to you. They give you anxiety. What is this person going to do? I don’t know! The person is walking with a friend and the friend sees you’re a bit anxious and calls out to you saying “Don’t stress, she/he’s all good!’’ ��But they keep approaching you. And when they finally reach you they randomly hug you. Touch you. Walk circles around you. Start talking to you. Don’t let you leave.
What would you call that? Harassment? Assault in severe cases?
How would this make you feel?
Now, after the initial shock you find your courage and you ask the person to go away. Leave you alone. But the person doesn’t stop and instead touches your arm or your hair. “Oh come on, we’re alright. I’m not doing anything bad I’m friendly! Just let me be around you.’’��You get upset and might push the person. Shout at them. If you’re a bit more of an assertive person you might punch them. Who knows.
�Then the person and the friend get upset. Well? WHY are you here then? What are you doing in this public space if you don’t like being around other people? You have no business to be here, minding your own business in this park with your family without allowing me to sit with you, play with you, touch you, talk to you. Actually, you know what you should do? You should be more social! You should go more often to random groups of people.
_______
Do you see what I did there?
If you thought any of the above situation is not okay (and I sure as heck hope you do), then why do we think it’s okay to let dogs run up to strange dogs and say ‘It’s okay he’s friendly’?
What we do in the dog world is the exact opposite what we should be doing. We label the harassed dog as aggressive and the harassing dog as the victim.
Dogs have emotions. They have feelings. They have their own characters and personalities. There are many, many dogs that are not interested in making new friends or being with dogs they don’t know they can trust.
And sure, some dogs love playing with other dogs. Those are the extraverted dogs. Just like we have people that LOVE hugging or love making new friends even as adults, but to be honest.. how many of those people do you know? I think if you put it into a % its lower than the people that rather just are with their select group of people and be left alone by random strangers in public spaces.
So don’t assume the dog your dog is running towards on the beach, is willing to play with your dog. Being in a public space means you need to have your dog under effective control. And if you can’t call your dog back, it should be on a long line until you can.
I know you were just using the child as an example but dogs and children are not the same. Usually when you tell a child that there could be negative consequences from eating candy not paid for at a store. They most times think twice about doing it again but dogs do not get the reasons like that without TRAINING.
Friend or not, not having control of your dog in any situation is not going to have a good outcome. Any dog off leash should have a strong recall and if it doesn’t then on leash till that is established.
Your friend is rude by just saying their dog likes other ppl and dogs cause you do not know what others are going through.
You need to speak up for the safety of not only your friends dog (aggressive and/or leash reactive dog or human) but other people who may be enjoying the fresh air.
If they can’t see that then maybe they need to re-evaluate why they want the dog in the first place…
I live in NYC and whenever I walk my dog in Central Park there are ALWAYS unleashed dogs.I live further uptown in the 90’s and it is not a supervised area.There are certain hours when dogs are allowed to run free but we don’t go at those times.My dog is reactive and skittish so I would never let him run loose in a park that has access to traffic and roads.It is annoying to see so many off leash dogs in the hours they shouldn’t be off leash and I have told a few people to leash their dogs and of course the insidious “oh he is friendly”response.I just curtly say my dog isn’t – one woman walked away and told her dog”lets not play with that nasty dog”.I think a lot of people have become obnoxious with their dogs and use them as child substitutes.
Just do what I do, my dogs friendly but I’m not lol
I can’t count how many times i have been on the leash end of issues like this – it’s so frustrating!
As with horses, as some know (but all horse owners know), there are things to notify others that there are issues – red ribbon in a horses tail means don’t come close we kick. There are other color ribbons for other issues.
I understand that a yellow leash means that this dog is uncomfortable with others approaching; dogs for sure, and I think people too. It would be really helpful if pet stores (geez if all the pet stores, especially chains, posted this), veterinary schools, veterinarian offices, rescue centers/humane societies, dog trainers, dog parks, popular hiking trails had that posted for the public to see and learn from. Along with any other colors that would be applicable (I vaguely remember this from an older WDJ article). I recognize tho’ that there are always those humans that don’t think, think it doesn’t apply, think their dog is “better”, think they are better and should have to be respectful of others (even when they expect others to be respect ful of them – sheesh – seriously?) A conscious combined effort from several well known animal service/licensing institutions would also be helpful.
I am in the UK and we have something called “yellow dog” which means if your dog is wearing a yellow jacket or lead or harness other people should give them space. However, it is not very widely known unfortunately.